40 Signs That You're a Pawn in the MAGA Cult
By: The Mouthy Renegade Writer
This will offend some people
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
There Will Be Ridiculous, Bullshit Signs Like These
The Mouthy Renegade WriterDec 03, 20251224Share
Good Christ, a literal gold idol, as the Bible spoke out against. These people are so lost.
It's been eleven months since the Tangerine Traitor grabbed America's government without consent and sold it off for scrap. People with common sense, logic, and education have had enough of the orange shit-gibbon's crap. They're protesting at state capitols, organizing grass-roots movements, and writing political articles calling out the fuckery of Trump 2.0.
Some of us are being quite Mouthy about it.
Yet far too many are sitting back and doing nothing. Some blue-voting liberals aren't getting involved at all. Hell, 1/3 of Americans didn't even vote in the presidential election a year ago. But more than the apathy, what I find disgusting and unbelievable is what MAGA is doing about Trump's reign of terror.
Spoiler Alert: Jack-shit. A whole lot of nothing.
And some, even cheering it on. They're so lost and brainwashed by a cult of personality and straight-up shared racism that they refuse to acknowledge our backward progress as a country. They seem happy that we're regressing toward becoming a third-world nation.
I'm convinced that if Mango Mussolini pissed orange Kool-Aid, they would rush to drink right from his tiny faucet. And put their mouths all over it.
This gave me an idea. I thought I'd write about the MAGA herd of sheeple and list some ways you can tell that you might be in a cult. Read this to the Trump-supporting relatives that you still actually care about. Reading isn't exactly their strong point, after all.
You Might Be in the MAGA Cult If…
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You've switched from bacon and eggs for breakfast to generic bagged cereal, with a smile.
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You fantasize about letting Trump have sex with your wife, while JD Vance jerks you off as you watch from the couch. Do it for your country!
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You believe that Trump was just trying to help cure Jeffrey Epstein's pedophilia by counseling him during those 7 private jet rides.
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You dance around with rattlesnakes while swilling poison from a jar on Sunday mornings in church while shouting, "Praise you, Cheeto Jesus, I know you'll deliver me from all forms of evil!" At least before the ambulance arrives.
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You're trying to learn Russian on Duolingo, but that shit is as hard as life in a Moscow penal colony.
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You've started a Trump-themed cover band with your buddies named "The Orange Dicks-With-Ears." And you have 50,000 downloads on Spotify already. Mainly in the Deep South and Bible Belt.
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You're proudly an anti-vaxxer parent. "Stop scratchin' your Freedom Spots, Billy Ray! Them measles will never heal like that!"
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You're rooting for Elon to play senior citizen vampire Edward in the new political tour de force Twilight reboot, "Twilight Trump: The Family Never Dies."
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You'd let Captain Babyhands babysit your daughter while you take the missus out for a romantic dinner at Waffle House.
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You trust faith healers more than doctors and scientists. How bad of a job can that RFK Jr. feller do, anyway?
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You have more flags flying from your pickup truck than the United Nations headquarters.
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You want to add Donald Trump's smirking face to Mount Rushmore. Fuck what them indigenous people think about it.
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You lost relationships with almost as many friends and relatives over Trump as family members who died during COVID.
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You've started up a nice little Ketamine habit in 2025.
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You were angry about Michelle Obama's bare shoulders showing, but don't give a damn about Melania's tits, ass, and vajayjay being all over the internet.
I'm not against nude or risque photo shoots. I just hate the GOP hypocrisy of being fine with this and angry about Michelle Obama's bare shoulders.
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You're saving up for a Tesla Swastikar because nothing says "freedom" like the official vehicle sponsor of American Apartheid.
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You're not just sleeping on white sheets, you're wearing them now. At night, in the woods, with two dozen of your closest glow-in-the-dark friends.
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You bitch about Taylor Swift being at the Super Bowl while going off about the woke halftime show. While watching the entire thing, drinking Bud Light.
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You're irrationally angry about gender-neutral public bathrooms, even though you've used them your entire life in your home and at other people's houses.
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You're buying groceries with your credit card since you can't afford to buy them from your checking account.
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You're not angry that Elon fired you from your federal job by email, since he's a busy guy, and to be fair, you were slacking off most days.
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You laugh at your kids bullying immigrant children, saying that ICE is coming for their parents. If they want to live here, they should have done it the legal way, right?
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You prefer buying Trump's $60 bible made in China because Capitalistic White Jesus is the one true god. Besides Don the Con. And money.
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You think Rage Against the Machine ruined their careers by suddenly becoming a "woke" band. You have more respect for Ted Nugent because he's a patriot. That "Jailbait" song of his sure is a jam.
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You attend Comic Con cosplaying as Trump, wearing a haystack-looking blonde wig, in a Superman suit with fake muscles, while wearing a real adult diaper.
If you're dressed like this, you're fucked in the head. Stop being a follower.
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You think LeBron James should just " Shut up and dribble." Because God forbid, someone uses their huge influence to promote anti-fascist beliefs and speak up against racism.
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You're pleased that your wife got laid off from her government job, so she can finally be a stay-at-home mom like you've always preferred. You'll lose your home, but you're sure someone will take in a nice Christian MAGA family and put Fox News on their TV 24-7.
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You name your two bloodhounds "Scam Bondi" and "Kegsbreath". You tell everyone that they're good at sniffing out immigrants, legal or not.
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You'd rather pay $1500 for one of Trump's shitty watches rather than $50 for a comparable alternative because "He knows what time it is."
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You notice that Trump seems to be a tornado of bullshit, but you hope his policies don't touch down and rip the roof off your home.
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You're sad that your elderly mother can't afford her insulin anymore, but at least you'll inherit her life savings. Which you plan to donate to the 2028 Trump campaign.
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You're angrier about CEOs being targeted and killed more than school children being slaughtered by assault rifles. Hey, that's the price of freedumb, right?
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You decide to travel by train for the family vacation this year because planes have been crashing and flights have been delayed. You're hopeful there's a railroad that goes all the way to Hawaii.
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You vow never to watch another Robert De Niro movie because he's woke and has bad things to say about your Fluorescent Fuhrer.
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You're considering cashing in your 401k to afford dinner at Mar-a-Lago with Jabba the Trump. But with the economy in the shitter, you'll have to settle for Mickey Ds while sitting outside the gate.
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That 401 (k) of yours is going down faster than Lauren Boebert attending a public theater performance or KKKaroline Leavitt having a "short staff meating" with Trumpledforeskin.
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You believe that billionaires are looking out for your family's best interests.
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You're happy that Cadet Combover proclaims himself to be a king. Standing in line to vote every four years is a pain in the ass, anyway.
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You're glad you don't have to see Pride flags on government buildings. After all, God created rainbows, not weather or science.
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You're glad to be free to walk into Subway with guns, ammo clips, and rocket-propelled grenades strapped to you. In case anyone tries to come between you and your Cold Cut Trio.
If this makes you feel safe when ordering a sandwich, you're a scared little snowflake.
There you have it, MAGA mouth breathers. If some or all of these hit a bit too close to home, consider making a change. Blind loyalty to a horrible, ignorant, racist wannabe dicktator isn't the way to live your life.
There's nothing admirable about being this damn stubborn. You shouldn't lose family and friends over a spray-tanned asswipe like Sir Psycho Syphilis. Your loved ones shouldn't have to go hungry, homeless, or even die because of your irresponsible, shitty voting patterns.
Wake up, 'Murica. If you embrace freedom and democracy, join the blue side. We'd never serve you a shit sandwich with poisoned orange Kool-Aid at our gatherings and tell you that it's Patriot Food.
Know your enemy. It's not your fellow Americans. It's the Billionaire Boys Club that works overtime to keep you down and our country divided.
© 2025 The Mouthy Renegade Writer. All rights reserved.
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[✘]
you never learn
it's very romantic that trumpski snapped a picture of melania the moment they met on jeff's plane ...
as our dearly departed friend once said to us, it sounds like your friend needs a nap behind the trading post ...
I miss him so much
the author seems to have neglected more than a few other signs ...
#41 - support of a convicted felon in office
#42 - support of a traitor in office
#43 - support of a child molester in office
#44 - the relentless need to attempt normalizing trump's onslaught of bullshit with hilarious logic-defying explanations ...
#45 - When this is the figure of your ideal man.
scraping the bottomless barrel of maga ...
"MAGA only pawn in game of life"
Anybody who can parody Blazing Saddles is my hero
Best line in that movie? "Where all the white women at!!!?"
one of the first appearances of maga on film ...
Guess that lets me out. I have never considered or had a need for any of the above listed items.
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Well they didn't seem too happy about that happening in Minnesota.
Only those without a sense of humor! Funny shit TG... love it!
I knew you would like it. You have a great sense of humor
The photos at Mar-a-Lago of the golden bull covered in tiny impressions of Trump "dollar" bills was right out in the open mocking his entire base of evangelical supporters.
He hates them and what he's doing with tariffs and many other bad economic policies is a big part of his revenge tour. He hates that he had to beg to find votes, he admitted Biden won on a couple of occasions even though he concocted conspiracies about votes.
Even though I'm not a "murican" I wouldn't TOUCH any of those things listed. In fact I'd add a few, starting with the SCotUS.
41: You work and extra shift at the Tilt-A-Whirl while your girl stays home and burns a cross while eating mayo sandwiches.
.. on white bread.
#45 - dropping to your knees, opening your mouth, and tilting your head back when you hear the maga fuhrers voice
A MAGA rally --
the maga golden phallus ...
More like the golden mushroom...
the thumb provides an ideal size reference.