A Brief Message to my Friends-- 7/26 UPDATE
All of us have hard times, and I'm certainly not immune! My mother has been seriously ill, and, as her only child, I've been trying to take care of her long distance.
My mother had a seizure, out of the blue, and it has turned out to be brain cancer. They were able to remove the tumor, but the cancer will returnsome time. She is very weak, and is in transitional care at the hospital. I just hope she can go home at some point, rather than into a "home"-- which is a thought I'm having a great deal of trouble wrapping my head around.
At any rate, I wanted to let you all know, and to make a request-- please keep mymother in your thoughts and prayers , as she needs them!
I'll be here as much as I can, but that won't be much, as internet service is sketchy, at best.
Thank you all for your continued kindness--
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So, thanks to all of you, and your many wonderful messages of love, I can get through this, day by day. You have all helped so much, I can't begin to tell you what it means. I can't begin to tell you, either, how grateful I am for your care and concern.
Sometimes, all we can do is take it day by day. I thank you, all of you.
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7/26
The case worker at the transitional care floor at the hospital told us onWednesday afternoon that Humana, which is a managed care insurance that the Teacher Retirement System has gone to, (rather than Medicare), would not pay for Mama to get any more transitional care andthey were starting the48 hours notice that she was going to be discharged to a skilled nursing facility. Fortunately, they sent this to her doctors for discharge approval, who managed to drag their feet untilThursday afternoon. They are aware of my heart situation, and have been wonderful!
Wednesday and Thursday, Mama's friend, Gertrude, (who was my 5th and 6th grade principle), and I toured the nursing care facilities available in Owensboro... Thinking she needed skilled nursing, we asked a bunch of questions and found a decent facility that would provide either skilled care, or personal care, a step up,for her. Personal care means that you get help dressing, your medicine is given to you,they help you bathe, etc. Skilled nursing is where they're in bed, and need more attention from a nurse.
Fortunately, since she did well in occupational therapy on Friday, they were able to rate her as able for a Personal Care facility-- able to dress and bathe, with help.
We went to 4 facilities in two days. They rangedfrom decent to utterly nightmarish, and, inOwensboro, range in price from$7100/mo to $9000/mo for skilled care, and $1100-$4000 for personal care. She is adamant about NOT coming to Louisville. I began crying at the first one, and managed to weep my way through all of them-- most especially after seeing the nightmarish one. At this time, she is not well enough to go home, even with help, and the cost of mounting the effortat home is at least equal to the same level of care is over $10,000/mo. The nightmarish one was #2 on our hit parade, and after that one, I had to go to my mother's home and lie down...
IF she can get to the level of Assisted Living, a step up from personal care, she can go home, with help. Which is my goal, needless to say.
Monday ismoving day, where we will set her up in her room at the decentpersonal care facility, at $3900/mo. She will stay there through her radiation treatments, and then, maybe a couple of months later, we can bring her home, with help, depending on how the radiation goes.
She will have a roommate, which may or may not be a good thing, and her room is not as nice as my dorm room was in college. She will not have a window bed. BUT, dammit, she WILL have a window bed, as I'm going to get her a flat screen TV, curtains, and a DVD player that will play outdoors sounds and sights all day, if wanted. If she wants to look out of a damn window, she's going to have a decent view. I've put her on the waiting list for a private room, and told them I want her to have physical & occupational therapy, even if I have to pay for it.
I can not express my sadness and dread for her. This is the LAST thing I wanted for her! I do think that she will suddenly become VERY cooperative about getting up and getting dressed, etc. I am also going to get her some comfortable sweat suit type clothes. She loved the ball caps and bandanas I got her.
Since I'm not at her house as frequently as someone living there, I've packed up most of the portable valuables, (silver, jewelry), and brought them home with me. I can't allow anyone to steal and sell Sophronia's1855 julep cup for its silver value. When she returns, I can bring them back, but may not if she has to have "help" and she isn't able to look after her things.
This is so hard.
This afternoon, driving home from Owensboro, I missed the exit to work, and suddenly, without warning, had bad chest pains. The first since my heart attack/bypass of 11 years ago. Not screaming, gasping, ready to throw up/pass out chest pains, but bad enough. About a6 on the Richter Scale of ickiness... I was in the middle of traffic, one exit from John's work, and I thought if I could just get to John, I'd be all right. I took a couple of aspirin, got off at his exit, and after waiting through 3 lights while an AT&T truck moved some auguring device across the road, it quit. I got to his work, and managed to lightheadedly walk into the shop, and sit on a chair, while his friend Randy went to find him.
Once I saw him, I was fine, again... The pain was gone, and I could sit there and hug him. I really can't die right now, you know? Peep needs me to be his band mother, and my mother needs me to make sure she is taken care of, and John must need me too, somehow-- I sure need him. Any way, I count that as a warning shot across the bow, so to speak-- a warning to slow down and take better care of myself. And for God's sake, keep aspirin handy!
Since Peep is stuck at band camp, I may hireMama's next door neighbor boy to help me carry her stuff, as I need to take it easier. Then I can come home Mondaynight. What I want to do is come home and just stay in bed for a couple of days, but I need the $$ that work will bring. Stress is the great killer, these days.
Thank all of you for your prayers and good wishes!
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In my life, when it's good, it's very good. And when it's bad, it's horrid!
I'll be around as I can-- I hope all of you understand! Take care and please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
Dowser,
You are in my thoughts and my prayers daily. I'm here for you whenever. Please know that.
Luv ya.
Perrie~
Good luck in this difficult time to you and yours Dowser . Stay strong .
Sending prayers and good thoughts your guy's direction; hang in there Dowser.
My dearest friend! I am so sorry to learn of your mother's cancer! Of course, I shall keep her in my thoughts. And you, as I know how a daughter feels when her mother suffers, especially long distance. I have been there too. Dear Dowsie, all my very best wishes and hoping you find the strength to cope and help her through this. (((((((((((Dowser))))))))))))
((((((Dowser)))))) My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care of yourself first, then you can focus more fully on the care of your mother. Make sure you eat properly, and get plenty of rest. (I know it's difficult to do that at times, but in the long run, you'll be glad you took that time.)
I know just how tough this is, Dowser. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. It seems that the older I get, the more people are in need of our prayers. Bless you guys.
Dowser my dear friend. Your mum and all of you will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Take care my friend.
I'm not sure I have any influence in this regard *wink*, but you are in many thoughts and many prayers, I'm sure of that Dowser.
I'm saying prayers for your dear mother's health Dowser. Having lost my mother two years ago, I know how you feel dear friend and sending blessings your way.
We love you Dowser
Best regards to you and your Mom, Dowser, sending positive thoughts...
There's is probably nothing of significance we can do other than to hopefully, be part of your "good."
Peace, my friend.
Dowser, my prayers are for you and your family (mom) I hope you enjoy this song for healing:
I am very sorry to read this, Dowser.
I hope this quote is appropriate:
It means that the things that make us human often make us ill.
Jonathan Rosen , Eve's Apple: A Novel
I'm here for you in the good times and in your times of need. Best wishes and hopes going out to all of you.
I will do what I can.
Dowser, you are in my thoughts and prayers, as is your Mother.
You have my sympathy. I've been where you are, it's a tough spot.
Lilac, I'm so sorry to learn that you have had cancer in your family, as well. It seems to be a very insidious disease, as she was proclaimed cancer-free after 5 years, proving you can't count on anything when it comes to cancer. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts!
Dowser, I will definitely keep you and your Mother in my prayers. If you want or need to, call me, I will be here for you.
Mike, I'm so sorry to hear of both of your parents and your mother-in-law! That's horrible!
I could take care of her better in her own home, which is on one level. Our two story home is almost impossible for me to navigate by myself...
At this point, she is not being at all cooperative, nor trying to help herself in any way. She will not be able to go home, unless she does. As much as I hate this, it is what it is...
Thank you, my dear One! Thank you, very much!
You are all Definitely part of the good! Believe me, I need all the good I can get right now!
Thank you, John. I really appreciate it!
All we can do is put one foot in front of the other, sometimes. I'm so very sorry for your losses!
Bless your heart! I'm trying to be a good daughter. I promised my grandparents and my father that I would take care of her, and I will meet my promise if I can. Right now, I'm hoping that I can just hold up!
Sweet BadFish, thank you! So very much!
Perrie, without you, I'd be 9/10ths nuts. So far, I'm only 7/8ths nuts.
I love you very much. Your friendship is very very precious to me!
Petey, thank you so much. I am doing the best that I can, for sure. It's been a long day, but I'm finally home, where I have internet service!
Larry, your kind support has meant so very much to me since I've been here. Thank you, dear friend, thank you!
I know you have, dearest Neetu. I know how hard it was for you, too!
(((((((((Neetu))))))))))) Thank you, for the hug! I need all the hugs I can get these days!
Dearest Leona, I'm certainly trying. I'm staying home for the next 4 days to get some mental peace-- She is being well cared for, and it is ok for awhile. Now, if I can just get some rest! It will be a relief to get to work, where all I have to worry about is the safety of the water supply... LOL!
Dearest Grump and my brother Kavika-- you both know how difficult this is. Sometimes, all we can do is take it one step at a time, and I seem to be doing a lot of that these days.
I feel guilty asking for prayers when other people need them so much. Fortunately prayers are infinite...
I slept in my childhood home alone for the first time in my life last night. What a weird feeling! I was in my old room, which is totally different, so I had to pretend I was in a hotel of some sort to be able to sleep. Otherwise, I was listening for my family...
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. Much love to you!
Thank you so much, dearest Mrs. D. I am dreading what is ahead...
I love you, too, Blue Wolf. Thank God for you!
Dear Pat, thank you so much. It makes me feel better to just see you and my all my wonderful internet friends here!
I LOVE that song and will buy it! Thank you, so very much! That is very healing and peaceful!
I've been thinking more along these lines:
"There must be some kind of way outta here..."
I love you, dearest Bullwinkle. Thank you for your hearts!
Thank you, dear friend! Thank you very much, and yes, it helps!
You don't have to do anything but be there, and that, you are, my dearest friend. I'm feeling a little bit lost, lonely, and caught in a trap, these days...
I can't say thank you enough. Peace is just what I need!!!
Mimi, I so appreciate your messages of love and of comfort. You can't know just how much they help!!!
Dear Wheel, I'm so sorry you have lived through this, too. It's not easy to have the sky fall on you! Well, that's what it seems like. Thank you so much for your kindness. You are very dear to me!
Leotie, I've thought about you so much these past few weeks. I know you are battling loneliness and heartache, too. I wish that we could be together, because I hope I could help you and I know just a hug from you would help me!
I love you very much.
I am too, Dowser. Maybe we can walk that path together, at least for a while. I lost my father as a teen to cancer. That was before chemo was available. But he amazingly lived for six years after extensive surgery, tho he suffered with pain the whole time. I have very few memories of the good times and what he looked like before he became ill. I can still see him in a hospital bed set up in the living room, a six-foot man withered away to nearly skin and bones, and I can still hear him screaming with pain because the pain meds no longer worked. My hope for you is that you will always be able to remember your mother the way she was before she became ill...her face, her smile, her voice...and most of all - her love for you (she does, even if she doesn't show it). (((Dowser)))
Dearest flameaway, thank you so much for your warm sympathy and understanding! This is very difficult, as Mama has become impossible to deal with. She just won't "Do", and she'll never get to go home if she doesn't "Do".
Thank you, very much for thinking of us.
A while back my sister had surgery for a couple meningioma brain tumors. After the surgery, she was just not herself. Any surgery on the brain causes personality and emotional changes just from the trauma alone. Brain cancer can alter personality in various ways, too. Give her brain a little time to calm down.
Not eating, being mean to long time friends and family? Dowser, she has choices. Let her make them. There is nothing you can do about it and it has little or nothing to do with you.
My concern is for you. Are you taking care of yourself during all this? I'm guessing not. Get with the program and start taking care of yourself, your husband and your kid.
Yep, she has made her choices. Nothing I can do about it, but try to be supportive. I guess I need to realize, what does it matter now?
I'm trying to, dear Grump. I'm staying in this morning, to rest and relax. I need some quiet time!
I love you, Grump. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom!
Thanks, Chloe. That helps a lot!!! Trying to picture here as she was-- when I was small.
None of this is pleasant, is it? Take care, dear friend. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father!
Good for you staying home today to recharge. You can't do it all.
Just trying to live up to my name, Dowser.
I am on my last legs! I will need to go to work sometime, but likely won't work long. I've got to get some peace and quiet...
Lilac, you and your dear daughter are in my prayers. I hope that you are able to keep your daughter with you and that she remains cancer free!
What a lovely song! And so true!!! Thank you so very much! That means a lot to me!
Poor Dowser! (((((((((((Dowser)))))))))))))) I feel awful for the agony you are going through. I guess your mother is going through the shock of knowing she is terminally ill, and it is all very well to expect her to deal heroically with it, but all of us cope with it differently. Give her time..remember the best times you had with her and who she was then. You mention years of emotional abuse your husband has had from her - if she is hard to love, there must be reason, but if there is anything good you can remember about her, just hold on to that. She won't be here long.
I'm trying to do just that. She has been put on a anti-depressive and I'm hoping that will help.
None of us know what day we shall die. She is going to have radiation to her head, and it did take 7 years to come back. So maybe she can live 7 more years to be 89. I'm hoping!
She seems to be doing better, and that's good. I really hope she can go home with some home visitation, rather than into a home. She would be happier at home! (Aren't we all?)
Thank you, those are words to live by, these days!
Thank you so much. All I can do is the best that I can. I don't think God expects more than that!
Dowser I understand I take care of my Mother In Law 7:30A.M. till 6:00 t0 6:30 P.M. and sometimes on weekends. Longer time periods during first week and a half of the month. Mother in law has Parkensons desease. Bless you for taking care of her. I've been doing it for 3 1/2 years with the above hours another 1 1/2 years longer with just staying wthin 5 minutes of the house.
Dowser, you are a wonderful and giving person. You deserve the very best. None of this, however prevents life's sorrows from coming our way.
Be strong for those that need you. We will be strong for you, my friend.
My prayers include you and your family. (((((Dowser)))))
I agree with Al! I am wondering how things are going for you today, Dowser.
My sweet Dowser, you break my heart. I'm sorry, mj przyjaciel, that you are dealing with such an emotional hardship.
Please take care of yourself.
Funny, (ha), that the worst facility had the best setting. The rest are in the middle of concrete parking lots. This makes me truly ill!!!
Thank you, all of you, for walking through this journey with me. I could not do it without talking to you about it!
retired military-- nothing is easy, is it? Thank you so much for your good wishes! They are moving her to a personal care facility-- I can't just go home and take care of her. I'm not strong enough myself to keep her from falling, etc.
Al, thank you so much! I need prayers, for sure! Prayers to stay alive, and able to take care of everyone else, right now!
Dearest Stephi, I'm doing ok, just absolutely worn to the bone, sad, and dreading what is ahead...
I love you, my dear friend. Very much!
GeeGee, without you, life would not be as bright! Thank you, dear friend, for your kindness and concern! Much love to you!
I love you, too, very much! Your picture is so pretty! Is that you?
Thank you, dear friend. Prayers are needed! I had chest pains today, and thought, This Is It. I don't want to die without seeing my husband again... Ugh!!!
We're all with you spiritually -- sadly, we can't do more.
I will take your sweet note as a genuine hug! I need hugs, and your love just gave me a big one!
Thanks, A. Mac-- it is awful being an only child sometimes. I would not have been able to make it without Gertrude. She is, and has always been, a tower of strength!
Love to you!
Be sure to take care of yourself too Dowser. You can't help her if you get sick too. Wie're all thinking of you.
Boy! That's the truth!
I thought about that after those chest pains started... I know that someday, I'm going to have another heart attack, and that it could be The Big One, but, please, not today! I need to rest a bit more. etc.
All I really knew, was that if I could get to John, I'd be all right. And I was...
You don't have to tell me!
My brother is an only child
as if that weren't bad enough
my parents moved away before I was born and I never got to meet them
Did you know having children is hereditary? It's true; if your parents never had any, you probably won't either!
OK -- since there's nothing substantial I can do for you, I thought maybe you could use a laugh, and, I hope I gave you one.
I know what you're going through -- been there with my father, an uncle and my mother-in-law. It's stressful and sad
but somehow we get through it.
Peace my friend.
Lol! That helps!
Dowser..... I understand the pain you are going through very well. Without going into details as I have already, I say this is the time to remember these four words..... "This Too Shall Pass". Love and prayers.
Dowsey, you and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers. You really need to slow down, eat right, get as much rest as you can... just know that you have a gazillion prayers "out here" - and more hugs than you ever dreamed possible. {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}} {{{{{Dowsey}}}}}
Thanks! Everything is in God's hands... OOMC-- Out Of My Control.
She has developed pneumonia, and her heart is getting weaker. I'm home for a brief, fly-by visit, to return to Owensboro tomorrow. UGH. The drive is killing me!
Thank you, dearest Uppy! I love you, too!
Dear Bitey-- you've got that right! I hate the hospital cafeteria food, which is just so healthy, it is inedible. Maybe that's the point.
I love you, dear friend!
Just take care of yourself, Dowsey, dearest... right now, you are the most important person in many, many lives... {{{{{Dowsey}}}}}
Yeah, I have heard that one before
, Mac! We manage to survive, don't we?
Dearest Dowser, may you find courage and strength to deal with everything you are going through! ((((((((((((((((((Dowser))))))))))))))))))))
When my mother died thousands of miles away from me, and I could not go be with her as she remembered me during her last days, I felt a part of me had died with her. The part that never got to say goodbye. That part of me I have still not found. She died over 12 years ago. At least you can be with your mother. Just be there for her.
Dowser, I have been to a nursing home rehab facility 4 times. They were fine, however, I knew I was going home. I also had a window in one of them, and OH it was so lovely..........
My Dad lived in a skilled nursing facility for nearly 12 years, on a feeding tube, until he died. Massive stroke got him.
I know your pain, intimately.
Love and prayers, Kara and family
Dowser, you have my love and support all the way. You and your mother are in my prayers each day and night, and strange as it seems, I do ask Roger to keep an eye out for you also. Understand, my friend, I love you and cherish your friendship, and because of you being the way you are, I love your mother too. She helped to make you who you are, so she is a beautiful woman too.
You must take care of yourself youare way to importantto all of us for anything to happen to you. Good luck be careful hope things get better.
So Sad to hear I have my own challenges to go through right now and am not getting much help from Humana. but OH well. I am becoming burden on my son and I worry about that also. I pray that her recovery will be swift and good for her and your sake. Do the best you can kiddo that is all that can be expected of you and be sure to take some time for yourself while you are going through this time with her.
Hi, Dowsey... is there anything new to report? I do so hope that things are getting under control for you! You and your family deserve so much better than all of this!!!! You are in my prayers constantly! Remember the last time we hugged? Consider it ongoing, all day, every day...
Big hugs {{{{{{{{{{Dowsey}}}}}}}}}}