When SH*T Happens … and it Will … What is Our "NORMAL & MUNDANE," comes Under Intense Scrutiny
Roughly one week ago, my wife was diagnosed with a form of cancer … and, among other reactions and behaviors on my part, both rational and irrational, I went missing from TheNewstalkers, and, in addition, considered other actions that would have no bearing on her diagnosis.
Of course, my realistic and first priority is to be supportive of my wife's day-to-day, mundane, spousal and emotional needs and wants … her health concerns obviously coloring each of these. And under the circumstances, this becomes a new normal … a mundanity that, by definition, is "humdrum," but one that is now, anything but that.
On the news of the diagnosis, entirely on my own and without discussion or consultation, I decided that much of the old normal … the normal, normal … was now frivolous and trivial by contrast with the new, and needed to be left in the past. So, I left the internet entirely except for the websites on which I do business, completely painted over, with a white base paint, a painting I'd been working on for months, limited my time watching cable news programs, and, as if to appease the Health-Gods, increased my treadmill time and the amount of weight I pumped on each of three days a week.
Continuing with the abandonment-of-the-trivial-and frivolous … the "unnecessary-indulgences," I asked my wife if we should sell our little house in the Pocono Mountains, my rowboat, and, forgo the new iMac I had considered purchasing for my photo-marketing business. Her ironically cooler-head-than-mine caused her to ask, "Why would you do that?", while pointing out that after her chemotherapy treatments, "recovering from their side-effects would ideally occur in our tiny "cabin" in the forested mountains.
So, I'm back here on NT … where some of the people I truly care about spend their time; yesterday, Perrie phoned me at home for the second time, and, on part of the call she spoke with my wife … a very good thing which probably convinced me it was time to re-convene a more normal, normal.
"Shit" happens! And when it does, it makes sense to metaphorically scrape it off of wherever it has landed upon us, and, to quote a famous line from the film, Shawshank Redemption, … re-convene our "normal" and …
"Get busy livin' … or … get busy dyin'!
That's goddammrned right.
The Sanity and Wisdom of the "Normal" & the "Mundane"
© A. Mac/A.G.
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Hello … I have missed everyone … even those with whom I have never agreed.
My wife and I were just apprised that her chemo medication has a co-pay of $2000 per month!
We are awaiting further information regarding whether or not this is the last word …
So let's see … diagnosed with cancer … followed shortly thereafter with the cost of staying alive …
I'm now attaining empirical information as to one of the reasons for my particular political leanings.
Wow, Mac, that's awful.
Traveling a very similar road brother, along with some of my own health issues. I can understand and empathize with the Re-Painting/Re-Purposing of self...
And yes it causes us to the painful course of examining ourselves in the light of what is really important and what isn't..... My own resolution is be me the final rationalization of what I am is be me..... I could be no other than me.....
I suspect the same resolutions came to you also, the only rational course my friend and as your betrothed reminded you, so did mine me....
WE can only be ourselves my friend, and handle life as it comes. But, I've found out that being myself usually does more good for my better half than subserving myself to her issues. I find myself paying more attention, take nothing for granted and give freely to her comfort. This allows her to be kind and helpful when she can.
The realization that we are our mates protector and help mate means more than all the power, control and rights anyone could claim. Love is the key my friend, giving it then getting it..... But most important to this last stage in our lives together is understanding it.....
I'm praying for you and your significant one my friend.......
Your faith will carry the day, I don't think that, I KNOW that..... And your faith is strong.
Always yours my friend....
NWM
When empathy and sincerity accompany expressions of sympathy and support, in the realm of friendship, that is the grand slam.
I have shared this thread with my wife and, it’s own way, it is helpful and reassuring in that it says that “we are not alone.”
My gratitude and reciprocal thoughts and wishes, NWM.
It is upsetting to see two of my good friends in this situation. I sympathize that you both must deal with that scourge - such a serious a blow it is to your life or loved one, but also the monetary aspect of it, alluded to by A.Mac. Although I've been criticized as being right wing, I've made it pretty obvious, having lived most of my life in Canada with the benefit of universal single-payer FREE health care (notwithstanding the increased taxes) which thankfully saved me from bankruptcy when my pre-teen son had to undergo brain surgery for the rare condition of unifocal eosinophylic cranial granuloma. Had it been multifocal instead of unifocal, we would have lost him. So I'm aware of the terror that accompanies what you are experiencing, and if my wishes were granted, it would be for complete recovery for everyone.
Best of luck Nowhere Man. thoughts bouncing off the moon for healing.
Professional advice....
Your policy, by law, comes with something called a "Summary Of Benefits and Coverage", or "SBC" as it's known in the insurance business.
That document will outline your annual maximum out of pocket exposure, which should be capped at no more than $7900 per person for 2019. It very well may be less.
The cancer treatment is likely to cost well over $100k before it's all said and done. If your policy is ACA compliant, your exposure will be limited to $7900/yr, regardless of actual costs.
MAKE SURE you are checking whether or not the providers you use are in your network, and check it ahead of time. If your policy is an HMO and requires a referral from a primary care physician, you should be able to get that retroactively if you don't already have it.
Good luck with all this. It can get a bit overwhelming, so if you have questions or need some guidance, let me know.
Thank you for that well-explained information Jack_TX.
Yesterday, hospital staff took all of the information as it applies to our Medicare and Supplemental insurance and, thankfully, they are setting up the structure and associated grants that appear to be a sort of protocol (that one never thinks about until something like cancer enters one’s life).
Your Information and offer of guidance is compassionate and considerate. I will share your kindness and the other such expressions herein with my wife.
OK...well throw out most of what I said if she's on Medicare. That's a different kettle of fish, entirely, but you should still have very low limits of personal exposure. The offer still stands if you have questions.
As it happens, I lost my mother in law on Sunday night after a prolonged battle with heart disease. The medical bills can be exhausting if you don't know what you're looking at.
All the best to you and your wife.
I am sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's passing; I cared for my mother-in-law prior to her passing.
Thank you again for your kindness and information.
Mac,
So glad to see you back. Your photo is not only beautiful but fitting.
I realize that life is challenging right now and there is much to be concerned with. But your lovely wife is an amazing woman and is very strong and I have faith she will come through this.
Welcome home.
Welcome back and the best of wishes to Mrs. Mac.
Glad to see you back, hope your wife has good recovery in the cabin.
Should I seed my milkweed in peat pots about middle of this month and let them grow indoors under growlights?
Great to have you back !
Give my "Blessings" to your wife !
I did not get the "poetry" at first of this song being here at first; but then I listened and remembered its ENERGY. It does make a statement that young women and girls are upfront driving the visual home for this occasion! STELLAR!
Oh, this is an amazing song infused with some of the better harmonies and deepest, richest musical notes spanning decades. A true classic!
People ask me why
I never find a place to stop
You see you were born
Born, born to be alive
It's good to be alive !
Every word of kindness, especially from friends (and those yet to become friends), is a comfort.
Sincere thanks to each of you.
Best wishes for you and your wife Mac. She will come through.
Glad you're back and my well wishes for your wife. Get well, Mrs Amac!
It's good to have you here, Mac. Best wishes for a quick and uneventful recovery for your wife. She's lucky to have you.
Amac
Sorry to hear about your wife, best wishes for her.
Thank you, Sean … I greatly appreciate your kindness.
It's times like these I really don't know what to say. The words never seem to come out right.
Just know that a lot of people are with the both of you.
Whatever kind words you offer, overt or implied are golden at a time like this; I offer you my sincere thanks.
May God bless both of you during this time. You will always have my and my families prayers.
Mac, we have missed you too. You know your priorities and they are too be respected.
Please give your wife our best.
Reach out any time.
Mac, I'm hoping for the best and I hope she is a fighter.
Vic, I will fight for her as always when necessary, and I cannot tell you adequately how much your words mean to me. I thank you profusely.
Vic - we all know that Mac is a fighter and will always stand for what he believes in.
Knowing that, we also know damn well that his wife is a fighter and with the two of them - world, you're gonna get your asses handed to you.
Best of wishes and luck to you and your wonderful wife Mac - and you know that's from the heart.
1stwarrior,
I have often pondered in the course of our intense political debates, how we might have functioned as a duo on the same side of the bargaining table.
And here we are.
Thank you, my friend.
Let's put it this way Mac - if we were a team during a negotiation - their azzes would be paste
Luv you man - but, you know that.
My granddaughter Isabell is up here with me and said to wish your wife the best of luck in fighting it and to tell her to stay strong. Levi sent his best wishes too. So do I.
People do recover from this Mac. My brother is even now recovering from the chemo and gaining weight back. When she mentioned recovering from the side effects at the cabin that meant that she wanted a place that was safe and had happy memories. Very good reasoning on her part; half of the recovery battle is being in a place that makes you feel good and with people you know you can trust.
I thank you, and, I thank Levi (to whom I will soon send a picture of a train/trolley or something of similar fascination.
Earlier this evening, Kavika phoned me to remind me of the so-called Medicare "Donut Hole," which, essentially puts a "deductible" type limit on drug co-payments; my wife called our Medicare supplement provider who corroborated Kavika's information. Hopefully, our out-of-pocket payments will be closer to $5,000 annually rather than $24,000!
Still, it's well passed the time that we, as a nation, begin negotiating drug prices rather than facing the daunting prospects of bankruptcy and life, or possible perpetual illness and death.
Remember to check on injections vs oral tablets (if available)...The cost saving on that could be substantial.
It is amazing to me that Medicare cannot negotiate drug prices with the Pharma companies. Every entity in the US can and does with the glaring exception of Medicare...
The lobbyists were working overtime on that boondoggle.
It's well past time we stop allowing big pharma to gouge everyone they can, we should come up with some kind of universal drug payment policy that makes for a reasonable cost basis, no one else in the world pays what we pay for drugs.....
No doubt! very well paid lobbyists, some who actually voted in congress for their pocketbooks rather than what's good for America.
Thinking of you and wishing the best. I have 'been there' and it is tough.
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. Know that thoughts and prayers going upwards. ( if you are a believer)
Mr. Nona went through 2 years of Chemo and radiation, but, he fought it. There when he just wanted to give up,
but he toughed it out and won the battle. He has been cancer free for almost 2 years now.
If you feel like talking, please let Perrie know and she can tell how to reach me.
Hang in there Mac.
Thank you Nona, I may take you up on your kind offer.
You're welcome Mac. I'm here to try to help you and Mrs. Mac get through this.. Who knows, it may be a type that is easily treated...….I hope so .
Also, keep in mind that Cancer is not a certain death sentence....
Trauma is hard to handle. We do things reflexively, without truly understanding why. Learning of your wife's illness was traumatic. You reacted. Your wife re-centered you.
You're fortunate to have her, and we all hope with you that she will still be with you for a very long time.
Completely on the mark, Bob; and your assessment, is, in itself, a further centering.
My thanks to you.
Oh, AMac, so sorry to hear the news. May you both stay strong, knowing there are many friends here who are behind you, gently pushing you ahead with wishes of healing and peace.
Anytime you want to talk, contact me on chat or PM. I mean that.
You were indeed missed Mac. I am so very sorry to hear about the Mrs cancer. I can truly understand what you and your wife are going through. My prayers are with you both.
I am very happy to see you back with us. You are an asset to NT and its members. (smile)
Sending love and best wishes for an uneventful recovery to you and most especially your wife.
You, and many others here, were (still are) an unwavering source of support and kindness for me. We are stronger together.
Health issues do have a way of focusing one’s priorities, and humbling our sense of what we once considered to be paramount concerns. Stay positive, eat right, and spend some time doing things that bring you joy. The cold reality is that we are all terminal, so make the most of life with what you’ve got. A mind guided by positivity will nurture a body in crisis.
Today, my wife is with our daughter and grandkids, working with them in a musical theater production put on by my daughter's Junior Theater company. In conjunction with that, my wife generally performs a labor of love making costumes, managing some of the administrative aspects, and, best of all, being with my grandson and granddaughter.
In the course of most years, between the musical theater time and our family trips to Walt Disney World (the next one coming in August … with possibly another after that before the end of the year), there's much in the form of positive, good stuff to which my wife can focus on, these in order to look passed and around the chemo and the related bullshit that a nation with fucked-up priorities adds unconscionably.
I am deeply moved and grateful for the good friends herein, all but one who I have never met in person. Interesting how, in a time and a world filled with turmoil and unkindness, "humanity" can nevertheless be extended and felt from a distance.
That says it all right there Mac. It's what makes all of the aches and pains of getting older worthwhile and gives you a big reason to fight things like cancer as long as possible.
@Article.
@ 1.1
@ 25
Hello A. Macarthur:
So much shared in your writings. Just so much. You were absolutely correct to stand down and assess what matters right now in your life; are any changes called for; what is working and what can be chucked; and, is this internet family of any use in the event of a real-world 'event' in life.
After taking time to weigh us in the balance - it seems, for now, we are found out to be a "medicine" of sorts. A spiritual connection across the many miles which definitely separate us. And a network of active minds agreeing with your upset, confusion, anger (at the cost of treatments), and joy of knowing you were not wrong: that somewhere buried deep inside of this network, are true feelings which can come to the fore-front in a time of need.
I applaud your time away and I missed you too. I saw you when you returned as your name flashed up as a 'sign in' on my chat-side. Life was happening for me, too. I had some 'fights' to wrap up; before I could look around for what else is going on. H A !
You know how it is for us "bruisers."
The Punisher. A hard-hitting brute with a heart of refiners' gold.
All and all going forward. Please remember the old saying pervasive many years ago: "Stress kills." Let's chuck it ! Look to you and your wife's stress-less relations going forward. That is, say what you need to, say it like you mean it, and let it fall on people to do its own work.
My blessing on your family. Remember to share in cancer group to help us all understand as often as you wish. We are all like children taking a wait and see approach to the complexities we each will face in life.
Peace to you and Mrs. Macarthur,
Cal
Thank you, Cal; I had forgotten about the Cancer Group … so much changes in a moment and what was either "irrelevant," or tangentially so, comes like a meteor on your house out-of-nowhere.
You will be hearing from me in the Group once I feel I can offer something worthwhile … knowledge, insight, philosophical musings …
Again, I thank you.
Good to see you Mac.
One of the driving forces in my life is borne out of the sentiments in your first paragraph above: "So much changes in a moment. . . ." If we could ever get this thought into the uppermost minds of others to remember "the deeper things." . Because, in the end, all the frivolities will lay around the bottom of the bowl.
Well, what was you saying about "philosophical musings"? . . . (Smile.)
When you are able, ready, and willing >> cancer group welcomes you. One last thing, I was looking at the group page and reread your past family history with this disease. Peace.
Today’s second opinion concurred with the original biopsy result and treatments begin in the next two weeks. Fortunately my wife has great confidence in her doctor and the hospital facilities are ten minutes or less from home.
My wife is dealing with this positively and intelligently, at least in outward appearance ... I think it’s for real given the circumstances.
I, on the other hand am behaving in a steady, “normal” manner, at least overtly. Otherwise, I am pondering what aspects of this new “reality” are options that in retrospect appear frivolous ... do I watch Phillies games, fly fish, take new pictures?
I will watch this discussion on and off, primarily because of the kindness and good wishes of friends here ... but, at the moment, any other such time spent seems ... I cannot escape the “frivolous” feeling.
So, I ask for insight, wisdom ... and thank all of you for being who you are.
Once I figure some things out, I will go to the Cancer Group and, initially, mostly “listen.”
Great thanks to all.
I rarely give any advice but do not change your routine at all. Take photos, fly fish, go to games. A positive approach will help not only you but Mrs Mac.
It's a battle that she is fighting and the more positive both of you are the better it will be. It's not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination, but attitude is an important part of the overall treatment.
To us (Indians) it's called walking the Red Road....Balance is extremely important and by maintaining the things that you enjoyed before this are a big part of the balance. If Mrs Mac can join you in any of these outing that would be perfect.
Thank you my friend ... you happen to be the only NT member who actually met and knows my wife ... and we just had a very positive conversation based on the Red Road ... I hope one day we can meet again.
...and Mac, keep in mind, though we have never personally met you and your wife, we are thinking of you both.
Waiting to plant the milkweed soon.
Well, reading this comment makes it real to me something I have been and continue to do as recently as today.
Back in 2018 I joined a cancer research study, got biopsied and it was discovered that while I do not have cancer, I do have a precancerous - high grade - areas. I repeat it is not cancer, but the thinking is these areas could one day become cancer disease. Being accepted into this cancer research study means I get treatments for my precancerous state.
It turns out I am the smart 'bird' who took advantage of an opportunity to do a research study when presented to me! Instead of being scared by the thought. And it is benefiting me!!
I have been treated once already.
Oddly enough, it was just this Monday (March 4) that I was placing a call to get results of a second biopsy and discuss coming in for another treatment session soon.
In this particular comment, your mention of two words, "biopsy" and "treatment" served as a connection to my mind that although I am not diagnosed with cancer disease-I am in treatment for a cancer-related 'state.' And, as of yet I do not know how long each follow-up will require this new "routine" of mine to go on.
Anyway, something happened during that window in the discussion with the tech while I was being informed of my second biopsy results. After hearing the words, "high-grade" relief rushed through me in a highly visible way; sitting alone with this voice on the phone: I blushed. The tech must have realized my feelings through my voice and spoke to remind me treatment for this is exactly what I have completed once already.
A.Mac, I am accepting of a great many things in my life. I have learned to just "deal with it." But, I blushed! You know what that tells me: I'm still human! HA!
Moreover, this stuff becomes real to you soon enough.
Funny real: When I got up at "two-ish" this AM my intention was to prepare a Christian bible video article and put it up quick for the AM. Then, I read your comment and it opened up a whole 'nother way of sharing. Well, off to bed before daylight catches me "up"!
Finally. . . .
A'Mac, you know me as an individual of great faith and a prayer warrior. There is power in the spoken Word: (Why think it and not say it?)
Do All You Can: Just Stand.
I pray for peace of mind in the Macarthur home during 'trying' and testing times;
I ask for understanding in the community of family and friends which will surround this husband and wife;
I ask for smart doctors and smart medicines to come into Mrs. Macarthur's treatment and care program;
I ask for an outpouring of spiritual strength and fortitude into this loving family;
I ask for a cutting away of all the noise that can try to attend and cling on to these difficult times;
I ask for a granting of discernment of who and what is true and worthwhile in this crisis;
Do not turn them over to the schemers, hawkers, fakers, and abusers who attend crises;
I pray this husband and wife will find calm in the middle of every storm;
I ask that this husband and wife be shown how to eat to live;
I ask for nurturing, nutritious foods, with benefits to the user/s;
I ask that the Macarthur's locate doctors and attendants full of integrity
and sincere usefulness.
I ask for Washington, D.C. to get its health system together, to hear the mental cry of sick people
who need their leaders operating with a wholesome, holistic, hand-in-hand at this time;
I ask for all the faith necessary to accomplish this journey; though shaken; and,
After having done all that they can let the Macarthur's stand.
— Cal.
I would be remiss, if I did not ask in Jesus' name.
Sending out good vibes to you and your wife. Don't forget to talk care of yourself, she'll need you at your best.
Glad you came back. You and your wife have a lot to deal with. What I'm seeing is that you are both strong people. I've been away due to moving my home and business out of a place I've been for 27 years. It often happens while I'm feeling sorry for myself the reality of others' challenges slaps me up side the head.
I'm thinking of you and your wife. Start another painting.
Pat W
Pat,
I think I have been posting comments back-and-forth with you as long as with anyone currently here on NT. So, I do hope that your move and any transition is seamless and, as uneventful as possible.
As for another painting, the now all white canvas seems an "unnecessary" objective; instead, I am involving myself in activities that give me the illusion of "being in control," things like reorganizing a database of thousands of images into "more logical folder groupings." I realize what I'm doing and why, and I hope to wean myself away from such self-deceptive/compensatory behavior any moment.
A bit of good news regarding the co-pay; $10,000 will be covered through a grant program and it covers the $5,000 "donut hole." Depending on what cost and possible co-pay may exist beyond the original $24,000 minus the $10,000 … we don't know. But this is for now at least, a relief both financially and emotionally.
STELLAR!!!
Hey A Mac, I'm terribly sorry to hear this news and please accept my hopes, wishes and prayers for a quick and full win over this disease. I am not on here often anymore, but Enoch mentioned what was going on (he is well, BTW). I do receive private message notifications, if there is anything I can do, please reach out without hesitation.
All the best,
Gary
Thank you Gary; good wishes from good people like yourself have an inherently positive, emotional effect.
At some point in my wife’s treatment, I will likely take up Enoch on his offer of support. And the kind words of everyone herein are being shared by me with my wife.