Why Men Like to Date Older Women

Via:  tig  •  4 months ago  •  14 comments

Why Men Like to Date Older Women
Some conveyed that the attention of an older woman boosted their own level of confidence and self-esteem.  Others recognized that older women have more life experience, emotional stability, grounding, and can offer both honesty and different perspectives. 

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T

By:  Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D.

More younger men date and marry older women than we realize. We remember famous Hollywood pairings like Demi Moore and her 16-years-younger husband Aston Kutcher. But many other couples have an even more significant age gap. 

French President Emmanuel Macron is married to a woman 24 years his senior, who was a teacher at his high school. They met when he was 15. Although of course they were not romantically involved until they were both adults, the public scrutiny Emmanuel and Brigitte have experienced over the years is a sign of the times.  And they are not alone. 

Yet despite potential stereotyping and stigma, age-gap relationships between younger men and older women continue to survive, and thrive. Research explains why.

Why Younger Men Prefer Older Women

Today.com dedicated a piece to the expressed reasons younger men love older women.[i]  The men who were interviewed shared numerous reasons older women made great partners, including the fact that they are self-assured, self-confidant, and sharp conversationalists who are not just focused on starting a family.  

Some conveyed that the  attention  of an older woman boosted their own level of  confidence  and  self-esteem .  Others recognized that older women have more life experience, emotionally stability, grounding, and can offer both honesty and different perspectives. 

One man who prefers to date older women describes some of the experiences he had during his “young woman trial period” as including “trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club.”  His more serious complaints about  dating  young women included having to deal with immature behavior and head games.  

How Old is Too Old?

Research by Gloria Cowan (1984) found that relationships in which the woman was older were perceived as less likely to be successful as compared with relationships without an age gap.[ii] Cowan examined the perception of age discrepant relationships as evaluated by both adult and adolescent samples, both of which rated relationships where women were much older (18-year difference) as least likely to be successful. 

When the age gap was less severe, however, so was the judgment. Cowan found that both adult and adolescent males, in contrast to females, did not hold a double standard when judging couples with an only 7-year age difference. 

Where is the sweet spot? The man in the Today.com piece who experimented with the “young woman trial period” explained that dating a woman only 5 years older than he was insufficient to create the “emotional maturity and depth” he was searching for.  He preferred women who were a full decade older, explaining they were more self-assured and well rounded, sharing that “Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do.”

“Chasing the Cougar”

Having established that many men prefer older women, how do these relationships develop?  Resisting the “cougar” stereotype of older women wearing leopard print, drinking martinis, and ogling younger men, many women share their real stories of how younger men focused on and pursued  them .

Milaine Alarie in a piece entitled “They´re the Ones Chasing the Cougar” (2019) found that contrary to stereotype, very few women considered themselves “seductresses,” pursuing younger men who were “passively waiting to be courted.”[iii]  

Using data from 55 interviews with women from 30 to 60 years old who date younger men, she found that women were more likely to have played a passive role in forming the relationship when they were over 40 than in their 30s.  Alaire suggests that within the context of women-older dating, the ability or desire to “renegotiate the gendered script” that applies to forming relationships is tempered by cultural beliefs.

True Love is Timeless

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018), exploring sources of  prejudice  towards age-gap relationships, recognize that evolutionary theory holds that younger women should prefer slightly older men and vice versa, in order to maximize reproductive fitness and attainment of resources.[iv] They note that atypical relationships of larger age gaps, particularly when the woman is older, are perceived to violate these established mate preferences.  

But in reality, it appears that some men choose to date older women partially because there is more of a sense of relational equality.  Both empirically and anecdotally, many men value the opportunity to have a mature, loving, older partner; and women-older partners honor and cherish their younger mates.  Such pairings are more common than most people believe, and more successful as well.


jrDiscussion - desc
smarty_function_ntUser_is_admin: user_id parameter required
Find text within the comments Find 
1  seeder  TᵢG    4 months ago

Good question.   I can see why some men would go after older women due to mental maturity.   I am not wired that way;  I prefer a woman a little younger than me but with a level head.   I am starting now to describe my wife.  jrSmiley_100_smiley_image.jpg

Buzz of the Orient
2  Buzz of the Orient    4 months ago

I have an opposite situation, in that I am quite a bit older than my wife, but then she was already in her 40s when we married, so the aspects that go with maturity and experience (she was divorced and had a child) were and are still there.

3  FLYNAVY1    4 months ago

I fit this article pretty well in having my wife being five years older than I am.  I can't say anything other that we "just fit" together.  We compliment each others strengths and weaknesses in such a way in that we complete each other.

Having jointly experienced so much from living overseas, there isn't anybody out there that could take her place in any capacity. 

4  Kathleen    4 months ago

In my case, I am 12 years younger then my husband. It could be that you both have so much in common. Maybe some security if she has a good occupation.  Hopefully not a mother figure that he never had. 

Dean Moriarty
5  Dean Moriarty    4 months ago

This isn't really hitting home with me. When I was in high school I liked chicks a couple years younger. Then in my thirties I went for gals ten years younger. Now in my fifties I like girls twenty years or more younger than myself.


5.1  igknorantzrulz  replied to  Dean Moriarty @5    4 months ago

Dean, you dirty dawg

U go boy !

6  Jack_TX    4 months ago
Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018), exploring.......

That's hilarious.

†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
7  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh    4 months ago

Some like Cougars and others like sabertooth Cougars.

The sabertooth already has a will ready to add you as the benefactor.

Like a used car you just hope the scheduled maintenance was done and she was driven with care. Always run a Car/Cougar facts report to make sure that title is lien free and she hasn't had any major body damage.

The best choice really is the lease return. Usually lower mileage, taken care of and returned for a newer model under warranty.

Just buy her a life insurance I mean good warranty policy and get driving.

Heartland American
8  Heartland American    4 months ago


Dismayed Patriot
8.2  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  Heartland American @8    4 months ago
Removed for context


Heartland American
8.3  Heartland American  replied to  Heartland American @8    4 months ago


9  MUVA    4 months ago

My girlfriend for about 2 years was 12 years older than me I was 17. I took her to ring dance as a joke or as friends and ended up dating. 

Buzz of the Orient
10  Buzz of the Orient    4 months ago

The only time I was on a date with an older woman was when a girl asked me to be her date for her Sweet Sixteen.  When her friends found out I was only 14 they made her life miserable, and it sure ended THAT relationship.


Who is online

pat wilson

33 visitors