Omenclature - Funny Street Signs
"If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home By Now"
Do you have a funny sign, traffic or otherwise to share with fellow Newstalkers?
Please upload.
"Go ahead. Make My Day".
A smile to close out the week goes a long way.
Please follow the site CoC and TOS.
Enjoy.
Peace and Abundant Blessings Where Ever You Park.
Enoch.
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Please post a funny sign.
We can all use a belly laugh from time to time.
Part of the charm of life.
Kindly follow site Coc and TOS.
Enoch, Doing Congregational Business Only and Not Driving on the Sabbath.
Nice light Friday choice
sorry though, i haven't any sign to contribute, or means to load if i did
,
This could be a sign
,
i wasn't meant to read
at least from what ive read
Dear Friend Igknorantzrulz: Thanks for the compliment.
You are most welcome in any of my discussion threads.
Any time.
Any topic.
Peace and Abundant Blessings.
Enoch.
Dear Friend Ignorantzrulz: Most welcome.
The spork.
One of the marvels of model technology.
I am a fan.
Col. Harlan Enoch
My spork is made of titanium.
Dear Friend CJCold: Fancy Delancey.
I like it.
Titanium Sporks.
Anyone else feel like a Barium Bucket?
Smiles.
P&AB.
Enoch.
That sounds like a Spock spork. (grin)
Dear Brother Enoch......I'll pass.
Laffs.
Deal.
Around the campfire many are jealous of my titanium spork.
I can imagine. Not everyone has a titan spork. (grin)
Dear Brother Enoch, this is sign above is hilarious! Great article, and one sorely needed here on NT.
May our Spirits be lifted and our funny bones well tickled.
Dear Sister Raven Wing: Thanks.
Agreed.
We all need a laugh every now and again.
Normally when I grab a gaffaw I look at my checkbook, then read the bills in my mailbox.
Now that's funny!
P&AB.
Enoch.
Dear Brother Enoch,
I do the opposite, I look at my stack of bills, then look over at my checkbook and laugh without even opening it. (grin)
Great Plan.
Hope springs eternal among those billing me who expect to get paid.
Let them keep up that lottery spirit.
E.
A sign in Sanford FL.
Dear Brother Kavika: So true.
"En Vino Veritas".
"In wine truth".
Enoch, Under the Affluence of Inchohol".
Seems that gators in Florida have learned to post road signs.
Wow!!! How parental. I actually remember my mom telling me to keep my bike to the side of the road. In the same vein, we have one on M-66 that says,
DO NOT PASS
WHEN OPPOSING
TRAFFIC IS APPROACHING
What???? Does the State of Michigan think that everybody on the road missed that day of driver ed.?
Dear Friend TTGA: Last time I was in greater Detroit I was on the way back from Warren to Sterling Heights.
It took me eleven minutes to make a Michigan Left to the nearest Meijer's.
Peace and Abundant Blessings to You and Yours.
Enoch.
It is like the commercials for medications on TV where they say not to take them if you allergic to them.
Dear Brother Kavika: Learning how to game a system has its advantages.
When things play out in a court of law, who is the Allegator and who the Allegatee?
Additionally, if there is a Sunshine State Jay's Diner near a condominium complex with side dishes of shredded cabbage with mango and mayo will Gators be tried in a Court of Law or a Quart of Slaw?
Enoch, sitting with a lizard out in a yard.
Love it!
Dear Brother Kavika: BOL!
Love it!!!!!
Thanks.
Enoch (Making A Reservation)
I don't have pictures but remember two incidents.
Below a Denny's sign I saw was another sign...FAST GAS.
There was a elderly gentleman dressed in every color of the rainbow to include a hat with a pom pom standing underneath a DIP road sign.
Dear Friend Paula Bartholomew: Laughing.
Good ones.
Many thanks for sharing.
P&AB.
Enoch.
There's a billboard outside Louisville, KY that says Nervous Charlie's Fireworks and Liquor Store or something like that.
Then I saw a taxidermy shop next to a veterinarian's office in Cheyenne, WY, I think it was. I told Mr Giggles that either way, you're getting Fluffy back
And the classic Las Vegas sign that read "Liqueur in the Front" "Poker in the Rear"...
Dear Friend Dismayed Patriot: Classic indeed.
What happens in the Meadows stays in Las Vegas we assume.
They will let us know in nine months.
Smiles.
P&AB.
Enoch.
Dear Friend Trout Giggles: A pair of knee slappers.
We are most grateful.
Thanks.
P&AB.
Enoch.
I have an aunt with a pair of those... thankfully with some industrial grade fabrics she can keep them from hindering her ability to walk...
Dear Friend Dismayed Patriot: ROTF, LMAO.
Thanks. Does me good.
E.
Dear Friend Is It Me: BOL!
Love it.
Thanks for posting.
P&AB.
Enoch.
I took this picture when I lived in Warrenton VA a few years back. It is located on a hwy leading to Front Royal VA:
Dear Sister Raven Wing: As an antique I resemble that remark.
Laughs.
E.
Dear Brother Enoch,
ROFL!! Living in one of the founding states of our country, the state where the first settlers landed in Jamestown, and in the midst of the Civil War Battlegrounds, antiques abound at every curve.
So when I first drove down that hwy and glanced at the building all my mind saw was 'Antique Tables'. It wasn't until later when I drive back down that hwy on my way home that I paid attention to the part of the sign under that heading that said, 'Made Daily' Seeing that I had to stop and take a picture of it to share.
However, you and I are not 'antiques', we just have a well earned expertise in life.
Dear Sister Raven Wing: Now that is the power of positive thinking.
Well crafted phrase.
One road sign I always loved was a sign near a Deli in the Catskills.
It read, "Eat Here or We Both Starve".
Truth, stranger than fiction or the Blue Plate Special.
Enoch, Wondering What Is Really In The Daily Special Stew.
Dear Brother Enoch.......best not to ask. Sometimes looks can be deceiving. Other times, truth beats out fiction.
Try their Chicken Friction Zee
Sounds like my Maternal Grandmother's cooking. Bless her heart, she was no a very good cook, and thankfully my Grandfather was a good one.
To misquote Dale Carnagie, "I never met an entree I didn't like."
That could have been from the book, How to Win Calories, and Influence Taste if he had written it.
E.
LOL!!! When I owned my business I took the Dale Carnagie "How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies" course. I was such a success that I was invited back as an "Instructor's Assistant."
Well......actually.....I did win a lot of Friends....but....they thought I needed a refresher course on how to influence enemies.
"I am proud of my enemies. After all, I made them." (Comedian Red Skelton).
LOL! Red had it right. There are some people that deserve to be one's enemy, and recognizing them is also important.
True that.
I was quite the party girl in my younger days and got made at least 3 days a week.
?
This one is accurate too. I have been there.
Dear Friend Arkpdx: Love it.
Reminds me that there are two municipalities, Heaven and Intercourse PA.
Roads are such that the only way to get to Heaven is through Intercourse.
You can't make this stuff up.
Peace and Abundant Blessings.
Enoch.
I have as well, can confirm not much excitement in that town.
Dear Friend MrFrost: I can personally confirm there are no liberals in Liberal, KS; and no industry in Industry, NY.
I would not want to have been on the marketing team panel that named Garbutt, NY.
Peace and Abundant Blessings Always.
Enoch, Heading off to Truth of Consequences NM.
I used to get the biggest giggle out of this salon name.
And then I turned 50.
Is that you?
Dear Friend Arkpdx: More likely its me before I shave and have a morning cup of Java.
Winks.
Enoch.
A really big cigar hides a multitude of age-related embarrassments.
Worked for George Burns
Ha!!
Say good night SMAABIE.
Good night.
E.
Good night SMAABIE.
Winks.
We are ever on the same wave length.
Ain't it grand?
E.
Indeed!
I've heard that really strong coffee can put hair on your chest, but the coffee that did that had to be reallllyyyyy strong.
That land lovers coffee! Really weak! If you coffee does not strip paint or go thru steel like blood from the alien movie its not early strong enough!
Dear Friend SMAAB: Decades back on the TV show, The Honeymooners the Kramdens and the Nortons were on a vacation to Germany.
On a walking tour with a guide, they were told to go up to a local and say, "Guten Tag Mein Herr". (Hello Sir).
It turns out the man took off his hat and he was totally bald.
Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) exclaimed shouted, "I ain't saying Mein Haiir to him"!
Enoch, Getting Ready to Leave My House (And Away We Go)!
Oh my gosh, that was one of my favorite shows for many years. Shame they don't make them like that anymore.
Dear Sister Raven Wing: The show was a gem for sure and certain.
"Baby, Your the Greatest".
E.
Dear Mr. Frost: LOL.
Good one.
E.
Two for Two.
Talk about a circumcision joke.
Well, time for me to cut it short.
E.
Dear Brother Enoch,
You are on a roll today!!
Sesame Seed?
Special Sauce?
Winks.
E.
A moyle was asked once what he charged. He said nothing, but I do take tips.
*he charged for circumcisions
Belly laughing.
Great one!
Thanks.
Heard about the Mohel who invented a wallet made by sewing together tips from circumcisions?
When it is rubbed right, it becomes a brief case.
ROTFL!!!
Once I found out what a Mohel does, I finally understood a line from the Robin Williams movie, Mrs. Doubtfire.
"Never buy gribinus (sp) from a Mohel. It's so chewey."
Oh good gosh, don't let Kavika or Wiki see that!
Dear Sister Raven Wing: "Chop it clean with a Guillotine".
Enoch (Marie Antoinette), Substituting Cake for Bread.
Dear Brother Enoch,
Keep 'em coming!!
Done and done.
E.
"Robin Hood: Men in tights - Rabbi Tuckman explaining what is circumcision" on YouTube
Very funny.
Thanks for sharing.
LOL.
E.
Does Lorena Bobbit have a house there?
"The unkindest cut of all." (Bill Shakesphere)
John Wayne Bobbit agreed to do a movie but the first time the director yelled "CUT!" he locked himself in his dressing room.
BOL!.
Too funny.
Ok, here is my "list"... Enjoy...
Seems about right.
Smiles.
E.
Three inches six months?
E.
Not my understanding of a threesome.
Live and learn.
E.
This sign proves that someone, somewhere, tried to milk a cat.
Hope their medical insurance was paid up.
Exactly, I can't even imagine the amount of bloodshed would be involved.
The insurance agent who sold the policy was in a n RV with the motor running.
Their motto, "Insurance by handshake. No policy necessary".
E.
Alfred Hitchcock made of movie of that, I think.
E.
ROTFL!! Good thing the policy was not necessary, as it would likely have been written in blood!
Invisible Plasma?
Cheaper by the gallon I hear. (wink)
To wash a cat, place in toilet, shut the lid, and flush.
MEMO from the dog
LOL! Sounds like that pooch needs a bit of kitteh acupuncture.
I think I know that guy.
Tenured Professor at the University of Wha?
E.
No comment.
Winks.
E.
Speaks for itself, doesn't it?
E.
Is that where the tiki torches are?
Kon Tiki then?
Hope it doesn't make anyone Thor.
I better not set down what I thought on this one.
E.
Plan ahead always works.
Laughs.
Thanks.
Peace and Abundant Blessings.
E.
A twofer.
E.
I put my right foot out, then my left foot out.
Shook then up and turned them all about.
E.
Dear Brother Enoch,
That must have been a very uncomfortable rendition of that song.
Not as disturbing as listening to me sing.
I once headlined at a vocal concert.
Ticket prices:
$1 to enter.
$150 to leave before it was over.
Sounds like some I have been to. Glad I have a strong constitution, and always carry a pair of ear plugs. (wink)
Good plan.
I say GOOD PLAN
There was a sign in the All Gender restroom at the Transit station where I used to board the Trolley in the mornings going to work that read;
When I was a kid, my mom had a similar sign in our bathroom..
In our house the, the rule of the bathroom was, "If you stand to pee, lift the seat. If you lift the seat, put it down when down when your done."
One night in the winter when I was just a youngster I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and when I went to sit down I fell into the water, as the seat had been left up. It was very cold and my PJ's were all wet. There only male in our house at that time, my Brother, so I took my wet PJ's and put them under the covers with him in his bed. After that he never left the seat up again.
It wasn't until I was a parent I understood those sayings. I swear, my son couldn't hit the toilet for love nor money.
Why was it his fault you didn't look first?
Reminds me of a commercial for Bear Whiz Beer.
"It's in the Water".
It wasn't my fault he broke the house rule.
Same here. Being a single Mom left me unprepared for a few things related to having a Son. Thankfully, my Father helped out with some of the more important details of personal needs for boys. (grin)
Growing up, I shared a bathroom with 2 brothers. If I had a dollar for every time I fell in, I could afford to buy my brother's beautiful lakeside abode and have him thrown out of it.
LOL! Falling in is bad enough, it is the not knowing if they flushed or not.
Reminds me of a Borscht Belt joke.
An Orthodox Jewish couple was at home preparing for sleep.
The lady of the house went into the rest room.
She fell in and got caught in the seat.
Her husband called a plumber to deal with the emergency.
Embarrassed, she insisted her husband give her his Kippah (Yarumulkah - skull cap) so she could cover up for modesty.
The plumber, who sees all sorts of things on emergency call reassured her that with just a dab of Vaseline he would have her out and safe, no harm.
He did advise her looking at the Kippah strategically placed that her Rabbi is most likely a gonner!
My aunt has this one in her pool changing room.
I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in my pool.
Oh-My-Gosh! Now that is too funny. I'm ROTFL.
My Parents had one of those hanging from a rail at their pool too.
Sign in a bus stop men's room.
"We aim to keep this place sanitary.
Your aim can help".
One that I saw in a truck stop restroom... a post-it-note above the urinal...
"Why are you looking up here? Are you ashamed?"
Big Ben isn't only a clock.
Winks.
And lastly...
Booster shots anyone?
I need one. Got to take my Yoda Girl kitty in for her yearly booster shots soon. And her protests can be heard by all going to and coming home from the Vet.
Then I will be in need of another Booster Shot myself.
Cheers
Epic Fail? I'll say! Any good advertiser would know the primary rule......" Location...Location...Location!"
I hear there are people just dying to get in.
And have already made a reservation is seems.
Why not.
No danger of eviction notices.
Smiles.
True. Unless...you get moved into the wrong apt and the real owner of the reservation finds out.
LOL
I bet.
There are people there now who were never there before.
There are some gene pools in which you never want to wade.
I have a standing, and wading, rule. If I can't see the bottom I walk the other way.
Wise
Sounds like they are #1 in #2.
When I was a young girl we lived in Ft Worth TX, and my Paternal Grandparents lived in Sulfur Springs TX. Every few months we would drive up to visit my Grandparents, and along the hwy there were always Burma Shave signs that would tell a little poem. While the drive was not that long, having to sit still in the car even for a short while was very boring. So I would watch for the Burma Shave signs and laugh at the rhymes.
Shaving brushes
You’ll soon see ’em
Way down east
In some
Museum
Burma-Shave
More of the rhymes are listed here;
My favorite one is as follows.
"In this vail of toil and sin.
The head grows bald, but not the chin.
Burma Shave".
I like that one too. After taking a read of all those old Burma Shave sign rhymes I forgot how much fun they were.
I loved them.
A bye gone era.
Indeed. They made a long rural drive less boring and more tolerable when you're only 7 y/o.
As kids, that is all we had on long trips at that age.
Roadside bill boards helped.
Indeed. That and playing 'I Spy' with my older Brother. But, that only lasted a short while, as nothing I ever guess was right, so I could never win. (grin)
We used to sing camp bus ride songs on long trips.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
One hundred bottles of beer on the wall.
Also some cartoon theme songs.
Flintstones, meet the Flintstones.
It passed the time.
Today its all digital.
The easy thing is to keep kids with opposable thumbs entertained.
The hard part is getting them to look up and speak with you.
"Not everything that is good is new. Not everything that is new is good". (Rabbi Dr. Gershon Weiner).
How true that is. As a single parent, and thus a single driver, I had to be creative to keep the kids entertained when I had to travel a good ways. I found the Etch-A-Sketch toy was very good at holding their attention, as well as Mr Potato Head. These were traveling toys only so that they would not get tired of them by playing with too much.
There were days when Chloroform would have come in handy. LOL
Great sensitivity and wisdom shown here.
Well done.
Very nice RW!
You're welcome!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's very time consuming.
Why did someone throw a clock out the window?
Because the individual wanted to see time fly.
LOL, was his name Albert?
Albert One Stone
An old man is met by his attorney and is told he is going to be audited by the IRS.
They are saying he owes $3500 in back taxes.
The old man rides to the IRS office with his attorney and when he gets there he begins to talk with the IRS agent and tells him; I'll bet you $1500 I can bite my own eye.
The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task.
The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
The IRS agent is dumbfounded.
The old man then wants to bet $2000 he can bite his other eye.
The IRS agent knows there's no possible way to do this, so he once more agrees.
The old man chuckles, pulls out his dentures and bites his other eye.
Finally, the old man wants one last wage with the IRS agent and says;
I'll bet you $3500 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk and get get it in to your waste basket without getting anything on your desktop wet.
The old man convinces the IRS agent that this could be his opportunity to win back all he lost.
The agent knows he wont be able to, so once more he agrees.
The old man pees all over the desktop and on the paperwork.
The IRS agent jumps up with JOY, but notices the attorney over in the corner moaning.
The IRS agent asks the attorney; Are you alright?
No, no, no !!!
I'm NOT alright.
On the way over here, the old man bet me $10,000 he could pee all over your desk and you would be happy about it.
LOL!! Which only goes to prove how right the old saying is; "I may be old, but, I ain't stupid."
Sort of like: Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance...lol.
LOL.
Dear Brother Dave: A new broom sweeps clean.
An old broom knows where the dirt is.
E.
It sure does Enoch.
T/Y
I heard a similar version but it involved a midget in a bar. I like yours better.
I am not sure if I know that one. Can you post it?
Here's a few that tickled my funny bone...
A genious, proud and confident, offers a bet to an idiot.
The genious says:
"HEY IDIOT every question that I ask you and you don't know the answer to , you have to give me $5. And if you ask a question that I can not answer , I will gladly give you $5,000".
The idiot says "Okie, dokie".
The genius then asks "How many continents are there in the world"? The idiot doesn't know and hands over $5.
The idiot says:
"Now me ask you"!!!
"What animal stand with 2 legs but sleeps with 3"?
The genius tries to figure it out. He searches the very recesses of his mind for the answer, but has to give up. So he hands over $5000. The genius says:
"I can't believe it, I lost, I actually lost"!!!
By the way, what was the answer to your question"?
The idiot hands over $5.
Priceless.
Great joke.
Here's a few more that got me laughing...
Here's a few more that got me laughing...
Great collection.
Loved every one.
A few more just for fun...
Covers the field.
Good sign.
Smiles.
Who can fathum the finer points of the metric system?
Did you know that the legal definition of an "inch" is... ... wait for it... ... 25.4 millimeters...
My question is, does the elevator stop at the 9th floor?
I think that was used in the trial of Ben V. Jerry
Burger King loves this one....
Another win for directional royalty.
Can't say there didn't know now.
Better have a really good lawyer.
Reminds me of the bird who backed into a fan.
Shredded tweet.
10.0
9.75.
10.0
9.5
Sure, now ya tell me..
Oooops
Thanks for all of them RW! Wonderful!
Agreed.
Wonderful contribution.
You're welcome Bob. Glad you enjoyed them.
Thank you! Some people have a real funny funny bone. Others just tend to think outside the norm. And we are the ones who get to enjoy them.
Agreed
I have no sters made of ham.
Said Sam I Yam.
I love those funny rhymes
They really make me laugh at times
Me too.
Growing up, my kids loved Dr. Seuss books.
Now the grandchildren do.
When we were kids my Brother and I would go around talking like that. We would even make up our own rhymes to suit the situation at the time. After a while, my poor Mother would send us to our rooms to get a rest from it.
Then when Star Wars came along, my Granddaughter would go around talking like Yoda. We even do that when we are together now at times. (grin)
When in a goofy mood, I like to sing romantic ballads to Mrs. E. using the accent of Elmer Fudd.
Cracks her up every time.
LOL!!! Elmer Fudd...now that would be worth paying to listen to.
Henry Mancini's, Moon River as vocalized by Elmer Fudd.
"Moon wibbah, wider dann a miew.
I'm kwossin you in styew some day.
Owd drweem makah, you hart bwakah, wherer ebbah yer goin, I'm goin yer way.
Two driftahs, off to see dah word.
Der's such a wotta word to see.
We're aftah da same, wainbow's end. Waitin wound dah bend.
My huckewbwerry freind.
Moon wibbah, and meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Dank ew.
Now I am off ta hunt ah wasscawee wabbit.
Make dat wabbit seh Unca!
When our son, who is a Medical practitioner got his terminal degree we went out for a celebratory luncheon after the graduation ceremony.
I told him I have been waiting for years to ask this.
"What's up, Doc"?
Today I stopped by this roadside stand that said; lobster tails $2.
So I paid my $2 and the guy said "Once upon a time there was this lobster..."
A woman enters a bar at Ladies Night.
The bar keep asks, "May I offer a free cocktail"?
She says, "Sure. Tell me one please".
I guess she was all ears.
Was Eddie Toad Away?
LOL
I'll call BULL
He now just sits on stools and has constant flashbacks of all those toad stools gone wild, like rice that appear to be moving like maggot mayonnaise, but you musta herd, notthat one would relish the thought, but frankly my dear, i don't give a dam concern about a dam breaking my fast, as i brunch things together as i'm too often outto lunch to realize whats for dinner, but i'm hungry now, but not Hungarian
N Joygood posters, as i prefer to be the poster chile
A termite enters a saloon and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
A three legged dog walks into a bar and shouts, "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw!"
The grudge that follows being de-feeted.
LOL
Here are a few more that caught my eye.....
Was that sign made by the Census Bureau?
LOL!!! Could be.
At last, truth in advertising.
A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.
Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mum and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mum demands. “We know how much a Porsche costs and you cannot afford it!”
“Well, it’s used and I got a good deal” says the boy, “This one cost me 20 dollars.”
“Who on earth would sell a car like that for 20 dollars?!”
“The woman up the street,” the boy replies. “I don’t know her name–she just moved in.
She ordered a pizza and when I delivered it to her, she asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for 20 dollars.”
The boy’s dad and mum hurry over to their new neighbours house, ready to demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbour is calmly planting flowers in her front yard.
“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $20,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you!”
“Well,” the woman says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”
“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?” The boy’s mum asks, utterly perplexed.
The new neighbour smiles very big, and pauses for a minute. “Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money.
So I did.....
Ahhhh.....the taste of sweet revenge.
