Following Speaker victory, Kevin McCarthy confident it will be “smooth sailing from here”
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Kevin McCarthy emerging victorious late Friday night in his bid to become the House Speaker with a resounding 49.7 percent of the vote, he now carries a clear mandate from a united coalition that is definitely not going to fall apart in the first week of his tenure.
After Friday’s post-midnight 15th vote – known as the “quinceanera round” – McCarthy finally broke the stalemate with his Republican detractors, scoring a vote tally of 216 for Kevin McCarthy, 212 for Democrat Hakeem Jeffries, and 6 for “Suckmydick Kevin”. The savvy new Speaker was able to overcome opposition by offering concessions to his holdouts, including allowing Laura Boebert to investigate Starbucks for Christmas war crimes, and giving in to Matt Gaetz’ demand for an annual “bring your granddaughter to work” day.
“I’m just glad the hard part’s completely over,” a winded McCarthy told reporters after doing the 50 sit-ups that Arizona representative Andy Biggs demanded before giving McCarthy his vote.
“Now we can proceed with what I’m sure will be one of the most harmonious and productive legislative sessions in history, and certainly not a free-for-all anarchic hellscape of performative demagoguery and backstabbing that will make the assassination of Julius Caesar look like a Mediterranean spa day.”
With the voting over and McCarthy firmly in charge, the House will begin their new session with a formal change of their leader’s title to “Squeaker of the House” – a request granted to Virginia Representative Bob Good to secure his tenuous vote. McCarthy’s next task will be committee assignments, which he will begin as soon as his coalition agrees which existing committees should continue, which new committees should be formed, and how to use the word “committee” in a way that doesn’t cancel white men.
From there McCarthy will choose the new GOP leadership from a roster teeming with talented and respected professionals — some who have called for Democratic House members to be executed, others who accused their Muslim colleagues of being suicide bombers, and one who fabricated his entire resume and flashed a white power sign while he was casting his vote for the Speaker.
“Piece of cake,” crowed McCarthy in an actual crow voice, which he is now required to speak in when he is not physically in the House chamber but still on Capitol grounds.
At press time McCarthy is reportedly enjoying the “relaxation phase” of his speakership, before drafting paperwork for 15 consecutive Congressional Hearings regarding the nudes on Hunter Biden’s laptop.
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Qué será, será Kevin, you planted and watered it but as with the proverbial chicken farmer too close together and too deep.
He made a deal with the devil, otherwise known as the Freedom Caucus, or as we all know them, the super duper wack a doodle caucus, and he thinks they are going to allow him to do his job?
the insurrectionist caucus' first motion to vacate the chair will happen before the end of the month...
You really think they'll wait that long? Boebert, herself, is so excited to make that motion, she has to wear Depends.
Not according to her. She seems pretty happy................
I wonder what the going price is on the soul of a gqp member
Ms. Boebert lives in Flatland and her 'productivity' may fall to duct taping the latest quacker whose motto appears to be 'I cannot tell a truth'.
Don't know, but pretty sure republicans are having a BOGO sale on their souls.
Now that I am finally in and we voted to continue, I want you all to look under your seats.
A card listing the investigation you will helm!
You get an investigation! You get an investigation! You get an investigation...
Yep....probably many before it's all said and done.
Nothing like retribution politics.
I say bring it. It will only serve to shine a light that will illuminate their own governmental bad acts.
But it's a known with these pricks - retribution along with hate, divisiveness, ignorance, vengeance, grievances, endless . . .
Their penchant for retribution for each other is going to be in full display.
the real groveling hasn't even started yet...
I hope he gave Large Marge authority to investigate Jewish Space Lasers.
Katie Porter rocks! The GQP's inability to govern was on full display as chaos erupted 14 times. And what was Katie doing to occupy her time? Broadening her horizons.
Great actually.
Where do I get a copy?
Unemployment since the end of November has made me so not want to give a fuck lately
Working on it
Lol. Typical progressive.
fox news? oh, it must be true... /s
[deleted]
Sure, A Democratic staffer is in cahoots with Fox. good call.
Lol. Typical Qanoner. Thinking people give a fuck what he or his corrupt traitorous party thinks.
You think Katie Porter hires Qanon?
So not only is she a racist whose staff hates her, she is also crazy. Okay.
Unlike Marjorie, Lauren, Palin, Lake. All racist and crazy. Your Qanoners are all crazy. And don't forget the traitorous crazy confederate flag wavers and the six politicians (and two attorneys and staff member) who inquired about preemptive pardons after the January 6 attempted coup. I hope they know that in order to receive a pardon, they must admit guilt.
Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows
Former Lawyer Rudy Giuliani
Rep. Andy Biggs of Arizona
Rep. Mo Brooks of Alabama
Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida
Rep. Louie Gohmert of Texas
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia
Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania
Lawyer John Eastman
i recently read that most trolls are lonely people with low self-esteem. That's why they insert themselves with really nothing to add, only having a hope to annoy people they perceive as smarter than they are. They hope to "bring them down." They thrive on what they perceive is schadenfreude. Like trump.
Get a dog. It'll help.
Katie Porter is no more a racist than she is from Mars.
"whose staff hates her" ? Please, one disgruntled staffer crying to Fox "News".
Google Katie Porter a racist. Only sources making these ridiculous claims are right wing media:
Fox News, The Washington Examiner, The Spectator, Newsweek, The Daily Mail, all running the exact same story form the same disgruntled staffer.
Pure gaslighting Sean.
Smoke and mirrors. No substance. There are some people that would benefit from some form of intellectual Viagara because of their cerebral impotence.
K atie Porter is no more a racist than she is from Mar
Because you know. You sound like someone who blindly defends Trump.
whose staff hates her" ? Please, one disgruntled staffer crying to Fox "News"..
It's not one staffer. She also didn't talk to fox news. fox news simply reported it.
You don't seem to understand what 's happening.
Only sources making these ridiculous claims are right wing media:
Surprise Surprise! Left wing media doesn't cover allegations against left wing congressmen. Shocking!
And why is that?
Democratic staff and reporter for Playboy. A real "vast right wing conspiracy" for you to blame.
Pure gaslighting Sean.
I don't think you know what that means. I've actually provided sources for my claims. You just spout denials with no support, and ad hominem deflections.
I'm sorry you don't like yourself.
Desperately seeking validation on the internet isn't going to help that.
pfft, my post stands as does all the remarks therein.
The right hates Katie Porter because she is an exceptional congresswoman who takes her role very seriously. She's looking out for all Americans including you. Find some real windmills to tilt at.
Hardly anyone knows who Katie Porter is. She's a backbencher with no accomplishments to her name. She won a democratic district with 51% of the vote. Why would Republicans bother hating her?
Your argument is just "it's not true because I don't want it to be true."
You knew who she is. Anyone that follows the news has at least heard of her. She's an awesome public servant and the right hates her.
I didn't spout a denial. I have nothing to support. I just brought up examples of your corrupt, racist and traitorous party members in order to point out your ridiculous hypocrisy. Your party is primarily made up of racists. You're always grasping at straws. So much so, you've made yourself irrelevant long ago.
You came into this article to get my attention, so that hardly defines me a troll. Logic makes your behavior on the trollish side.
That premise began a coup for traitorous grifter trump. A coup with loss of life.
Is she your rep Pat?
District next to mine.
Dammit.
I used a similar photo to create a meme.
Fuck it. I know it's redundant, butt here it is anyway.
Still damn funny! I'm still laughing at someone calling Gaetz "Rapey McForehead" on Twitter this morning...
I've posted this elsewhere, but it's appropriate here. Sound on.
The McCarthy/Gaetz heated exchange on the floor have been transcribed by the country's best lipreading experts. See it here.
Now that is hilarious.
the real comedy hasn't even started...
That is really great.