By: Eat The Press - Do Not Read It; The Content is Worthless! We Are the Real Fake News, not the real news our FAKE PRESIDENT whines about!
Posted in: Politics

As many of you may know, I, too, am a Man of Glob, er, "Man of GOD", ordained by the Universal Church of Lice, er, "Life", for $20.00 in the early 1970s. I preach under the nom de plume of Reverend Oral Fleece, Pasteur, of the Church of the "How Big Is Your Wallet, How Small Is Your Brain?"

Located in the lovely, but, nearly all torn down Mildew, Ohio, "Where There Are No Jobs", not even "Blow Jobs", thanks to the Re-Puritans who shipped our jobs overseas to Communist China!

As a disreputable man of the "Cloth", I, alone, am able to tear "Evangelicals" a new one because I was once one of them, but, then I learned to "read and write".

God did not "elected Trump" as the senile multi-millionaire Pat Robinson drools on his syndicated show, "700 Clubs", (which is short for "$700 MILLION DOLLARS", that he has fleeced from the poor.

Pat Robertson, and, I go way back. We both attended the same seminar, well, Cemetery School, back in the day, and I looked up at him because he was always on top.

Eventually, after 10 years, I figured out, with the help of Judge Roy Moore, that I was not in "Seminary School", but, rather "Cemetery School". It was an absolute shock to my befuddled mind.

Imagine, if after a wedding that I conducted, I, inadvertently, gave the new bride and goon a "DEATH CERTIFICATE", instead, of a "Marriage License"! Why in the South that is a "hanging offense", as, just about every thing else is, as well, down there in Hill Billy Heaven.

So, after an "all night drunk", I got me "preacher's license" from a Mail Order Mill, that is still in business today, the Universal Life Church, where for $20.00 (cash) I was licensed as a "preacher" and had the power to conduct wedding, and, or counsel "big busted, vulnerable, needy women" in distress.

"Stormy Daniels" was one of my first converts before I was run out of a small town in La. I brought her to the "JESUS" on the floor of the vestibule of my newly established "con", er, church.

So, you see, Brothers and Sistas of the Corn Hole De-Generation, I know a thing or two about screaming evangelicals in the midst of celestial delight. However, I might add, that today's Evangelicals are EVIL-GENITALS, "Talking In Tongues to the Devil", because, they believe, wrongly, that God does not know English. HE does, they don't!

Subsequently, this "stomping in aisles, pew-shaking, throwing yourself on the floor, and hollering to the rafters, "Holy Rollers" antics does get them off, as they reach their religious induced ecstasy. But, it has nothing to do with GOD! It's the drugs, mostly!

Trump is a Billionaire CROOK, not, a prophet, appointed by GOD to bring about the ENDS OF TIME. Write that down!
Trump is doing that on his own, because, in short, he is a selfish S.O.B. who only cares about making MONEY by any means.

So, damn it, Dummies, "Wake the freaking frack up"! I can't hold you clammy paws every second of the day. Grow a pair!

This is Reverend Oral Fleece saying "Hey, Rubes, keep those donations cards coming, cause I need a new Mercedes, send, cash in unmarked envelopes. I am a psychic and know your address. I will launder your cash and send it back to you a hundred fold."