@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 6 years ago
WELCOME TO MY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET PARTY!
community » Discussions » Topic » News & Politics » Discussion » WELCOME TO MY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET PARTY!
By:
eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
CAUTION: Big Boy language slung about "Chere"! If you are queer that way and are offended by words, but, not by deeds, please, by all means available, speed, speed away from "Chere."
- Thank you, the Management!
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, and, fellow Lesbians, you, all are INVITED to My "COMING OUT PARTY"! Finally, after all these years (76.7) I am coming out of the "closet". Won't you "come out" with me. The waters warm.
Do you know how much it stinks in there? The dirty shoes, the unwashed socks, the forgotten dry cleaning?
Stand up, turn yourself about, and shake it all out.
Do the Hokey-Pokey, and sit down on someone's lap.
Set Yourself FREE!
Get up off your bending knee.
Tell Re-Puritans to suck their own Jonson!
Set yourself free, secretive, Lefties!
I did it, you can, too.
I no longer have to hide my true feelings, my impulses, or, my longings.
Because, this day, I, Solemnly, Declare to the World, that, "I AM A LEFT LEANING LIBERAL And, Proud of It, Pumpkin."
No longer will I stand with that, lying, slimeball, "Traitor," Trump at freezing NFL games. From now on, I will, "Take a Knee" with the players. Even, in those rare moments when it is to the groin.
I will not, however, take a bullet for them! I am not Cohen!
I am free, free at last! I tell you freedom is incredible.
I should have "come out" decades ago. But, like, perhaps, you, I was afraid of what my wife, my only son, and, grandkids might think.
Gracious and lovingly, they all said that they knew that I was sleeping in the closet.
They sweetly explained to me, as I sat at the kitchen table, bawling my eyes out listening to their supportive remarks.
Even, in that awkward moment when my right eye, betrayed me, fell out of its socket and rolled across the kitchen floor only to stop at the refrigerator door, staring up at me.
"It's OK, Poppa", I heard one say, "we didn't mind that you are maligned as a LEFT LEANING LIBERAL. We had no idea what that meant. That doesn't change anything. We still don't like you.
I can honestly say the only thing that changed was, now, they ask for more money.
In my "Closeted Days", to avoid being seen, I would rush out of the house early in the morning. But, I couldn't shake the suspicion that something was amiss.
In my haste, I often forgot to remove the hanger from my shirt. It betrayed me daily, peeking out from the back of my shirt collar.
Back in those "Dark Days Of Yore," I constantly denied my "true feelings," even going, so far, as voting for "Ronnie" Reagan in 1980.
In a panic, to avoid detection, I impulsively joined the party of Lincoln, only to be assigned membership to the Log Cabin branch of the Republican party.
To prove my manhood, I got the requisite "burr haircut," bought a blue suit, white shirt, and, a solid red tie.
But, It wasn't me.
To appease my nagging conscious, I would leave my "barn door" on my trousers unzipped.
Out of intense desperation, on Friday the 13th, I finally caved in and signed up for "Conversion Therapy.
Barely literate Calcified Conservatives would read books by Goldwater,
Ayn Rand, and, BRUCE WILLIS' Tweets, 24/7.
In a matter of minutes, I started to talk like our Fake Prez, "the Donald."
I learned "cuss words," and, hurtful phrases like "meathead, liberal commie, pinko, and, worse, "fag," that I hurled like confetti as we crewed through the ghettoes shooting the place up with our AR 15s!
To fit in with my pack, I "packed" a loaded handgun, instead of a pack of "sugar-free" gum.
If truth be told, I was miserable hiding my true-self from myself, by myself.
I was getting more and more mixed up with each passing day.
I would pretend not to cry during sad scenes in movies. I went to boring baseball games with my sweaty, ill-mannered, loud, trash-talking friends.
I was forced to clapped with these Neanderthals when our team hit the ball with a stick.
Shamefully, I booed the other side, when they did not.
Slowly, incrementally, I grew tired of tripping old folks on Social Security, as they maneuvered the stadium steps.
The hollow, empty laughter of my peers, mingling with the screams of the frail, old folks ( obviously on food stamp) no longer brought me joy.
I couldn't help but feel sorry for them as their flopping bodies careened head over heels, down three flights of steps, heads banging into the hard concrete, blood splattering everywhere on the steep steps of Riverfront Stadium, home to the Cincinnati Red Legs.
There was no joy in that. No joy, either, in discovering how Cincinnati's baseball team got its nickname, "Red Legs".
Often, on the way home from the game, I tuned my companions out as we rode through some of the marginal neighborhoods "making fun of poor working class people."
These activities no longer filled me with a "sense of superiority."
I longed to be as I was in my youth, "fancy-free, sashaying back and forth with Apumb", a sexy, busty, free-spirited woman that I met at Woodstock! She taught me many things, even taught me what "Around the World" meant.
Now, thanks to LEAPING OUT OF THE CLOSET, I am free, free at long last.
I long for the day when my children's children will no longer be recognized for what political party they belonged to, but, by the contents of their skin tone.
So, F-off, bullies! You empty-headed Trump Athletic supporters. BTW, asswipes, the jock strap goes over your "Jonson," not over your head.
Might I say, also, so long, religious bigots, hope you all rot in HELL!
I was the one who took money out of the collection plate, not put money in it. Take me to Heaven and sue me there.
Wow, that felt great, was it good for you, too, liberated YOURSELF!
Embrace your "left-leaning Liberal tendencies," and, set free a "cage child," or, just beat the shit out of a Republican, whichever comes first.
WELCOME TO MY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET PARTY!
community » Discussions » Topic » News & Politics » Discussion » WELCOME TO MY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET PARTY!
By:
eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
CAUTION: Big Boy language slung about "Chere"! If you are queer that way and are offended by words, but, not by deeds, please, by all means available, speed, speed away from "Chere."
- Thank you, the Management!
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, and, fellow Lesbians, you, all are INVITED to My "COMING OUT PARTY"! Finally, after all these years (76.7) I am coming out of the "closet". Won't you "come out" with me. The waters warm.
Do you know how much it stinks in there? The dirty shoes, the unwashed socks, the forgotten dry cleaning?
Stand up, turn yourself about, and shake it all out.
Do the Hokey-Pokey, and sit down on someone's lap.
Set Yourself FREE!
Get up off your bending knee.
Tell Re-Puritans to suck their own Jonson!
Set yourself free, secretive, Lefties!
I did it, you can, too.
I no longer have to hide my true feelings, my impulses, or, my longings.
Because, this day, I, Solemnly, Declare to the World, that, "I AM A LEFT LEANING LIBERAL And, Proud of It, Pumpkin."
No longer will I stand with that, lying, slimeball, "Traitor," Trump at freezing NFL games. From now on, I will, "Take a Knee" with the players. Even, in those rare moments when it is to the groin.
I will not, however, take a bullet for them! I am not Cohen!
I am free, free at last! I tell you freedom is incredible.
I should have "come out" decades ago. But, like, perhaps, you, I was afraid of what my wife, my only son, and, grandkids might think.
Gracious and lovingly, they all said that they knew that I was sleeping in the closet.
They sweetly explained to me, as I sat at the kitchen table, bawling my eyes out listening to their supportive remarks.
Even, in that awkward moment when my right eye, betrayed me, fell out of its socket and rolled across the kitchen floor only to stop at the refrigerator door, staring up at me.
"It's OK, Poppa", I heard one say, "we didn't mind that you are maligned as a LEFT LEANING LIBERAL. We had no idea what that meant. That doesn't change anything. We still don't like you.
I can honestly say the only thing that changed was, now, they ask for more money.
In my "Closeted Days", to avoid being seen, I would rush out of the house early in the morning. But, I couldn't shake the suspicion that something was amiss.
In my haste, I often forgot to remove the hanger from my shirt. It betrayed me daily, peeking out from the back of my shirt collar.
Back in those "Dark Days Of Yore," I constantly denied my "true feelings," even going, so far, as voting for "Ronnie" Reagan in 1980.
In a panic, to avoid detection, I impulsively joined the party of Lincoln, only to be assigned membership to the Log Cabin branch of the Republican party.
To prove my manhood, I got the requisite "burr haircut," bought a blue suit, white shirt, and, a solid red tie.
But, It wasn't me.
To appease my nagging conscious, I would leave my "barn door" on my trousers unzipped.
Out of intense desperation, on Friday the 13th, I finally caved in and signed up for "Conversion Therapy.
Barely literate Calcified Conservatives would read books by Goldwater,
Ayn Rand, and, BRUCE WILLIS' Tweets, 24/7.
In a matter of minutes, I started to talk like our Fake Prez, "the Donald."
I learned "cuss words," and, hurtful phrases like "meathead, liberal commie, pinko, and, worse, "fag," that I hurled like confetti as we crewed through the ghettoes shooting the place up with our AR 15s!
To fit in with my pack, I "packed" a loaded handgun, instead of a pack of "sugar-free" gum.
If truth be told, I was miserable hiding my true-self from myself, by myself.
I was getting more and more mixed up with each passing day.
I would pretend not to cry during sad scenes in movies. I went to boring baseball games with my sweaty, ill-mannered, loud, trash-talking friends.
I was forced to clapped with these Neanderthals when our team hit the ball with a stick.
Shamefully, I booed the other side, when they did not.
Slowly, incrementally, I grew tired of tripping old folks on Social Security, as they maneuvered the stadium steps.
The hollow, empty laughter of my peers, mingling with the screams of the frail, old folks ( obviously on food stamp) no longer brought me joy.
I couldn't help but feel sorry for them as their flopping bodies careened head over heels, down three flights of steps, heads banging into the hard concrete, blood splattering everywhere on the steep steps of Riverfront Stadium, home to the Cincinnati Red Legs.
There was no joy in that. No joy, either, in discovering how Cincinnati's baseball team got its nickname, "Red Legs".
Often, on the way home from the game, I tuned my companions out as we rode through some of the marginal neighborhoods "making fun of poor working class people."
These activities no longer filled me with a "sense of superiority."
I longed to be as I was in my youth, "fancy-free, sashaying back and forth with Apumb", a sexy, busty, free-spirited woman that I met at Woodstock! She taught me many things, even taught me what "Around the World" meant.
Now, thanks to LEAPING OUT OF THE CLOSET, I am free, free at long last.
I long for the day when my children's children will no longer be recognized for what political party they belonged to, but, by the contents of their skin tone.
So, F-off, bullies! You empty-headed Trump Athletic supporters. BTW, asswipes, the jock strap goes over your "Jonson," not over your head.
Might I say, also, so long, religious bigots, hope you all rot in HELL!
I was the one who took money out of the collection plate, not put money in it. Take me to Heaven and sue me there.
Wow, that felt great, was it good for you, too, liberated YOURSELF!
Embrace your "left-leaning Liberal tendencies," and, set free a "cage child," or, just beat the shit out of a Republican, whichever comes first.
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
Here, at Eat The Press - Do Not Read It, or anything, we promotes ignorance. Never have we hired a JOURNALIST. We are not journalists, we are URINALISTS. We "piss on everyone's parade". Someone has to do it. Why not us? "Golden Showers" are reserved for Re-Puritans, Holier Than Thou Pundits, and, the looney tunes at Fox Nut Work Noise.
No one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to read it. If words offend, but, deeds don't, then, you should skip us and dive into a pool of Right Wing Hate Goo! - The Management
No one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to read it. If words offend, but, deeds don't, then, you should skip us and dive into a pool of Right Wing Hate Goo! - The Management
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
Evangelicals Are Not Christ Like! They are EVIL-GENITALS Talking in Tongues To The Devil.
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
Please, tell me that Trump is DEAD! Eaten by a pack of ravenous DEPLORABLES on the 9th hole at Mar Largo, while Melania egged them on with Eat, Eat! Only a mat of orange hair and his enormous arse was left. Even the Vulture refused to pick it.
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
It's quite now, the house is silent. The grandchildren sleep, the relatives long gone, dishes done, wrapping paper cleaned up, the laughter, the tears, all wiped cleaned as we lean toward a New Year!
So, how dysfunctional was your Christmas?
So, how dysfunctional was your Christmas?
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
Hence, forth, I shall be know as: EAT THE PRESS - Do Not Read It
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
Recently I retired after working 47 years as a Hand Towel in a Gay Bath, in NYC. Having reached the rank of "head wiper" there was nowhere else for me to go. So, management, did the right thing and kicked my white ass out the bad door with nothing but a tin can. Then, ten minutes later returned and took the tin can back.
So, at 75, I decided to return to my first disappointment, "Stand Up, Sit Down, Roll Over Comedy".
Are there a number of Open Mics in Dayton, where you do not have to bribe your friends to buy tickets to see you make an ass of yourself?
How might I become an inmate of your Exclusive Group of Dysfunctional Society Rejects clamoring for attention, here, at The News Talker?
Like my boyhood hero, Jonathan Winters, I, too, was hatched in Dayton, Ohio, but, was asked by Officials to leave at an early age.
Currently, I am the Publisher and Flounder of Eat The Press - Don't Read It - The Content is worthless. We are the REAL FAKE NEWS, not the "real news" that our FAKE president whines about. We are so fake, we just make SHIT UP!
Send money, honey.
So, at 75, I decided to return to my first disappointment, "Stand Up, Sit Down, Roll Over Comedy".
Are there a number of Open Mics in Dayton, where you do not have to bribe your friends to buy tickets to see you make an ass of yourself?
How might I become an inmate of your Exclusive Group of Dysfunctional Society Rejects clamoring for attention, here, at The News Talker?
Like my boyhood hero, Jonathan Winters, I, too, was hatched in Dayton, Ohio, but, was asked by Officials to leave at an early age.
Currently, I am the Publisher and Flounder of Eat The Press - Don't Read It - The Content is worthless. We are the REAL FAKE NEWS, not the "real news" that our FAKE president whines about. We are so fake, we just make SHIT UP!
Send money, honey.
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
This is a Good; This is a Bad: Thumb is Good. Finger is bad.
Franken is Good; Trump Eats Rabbit Dropping by the capfuls.
Obama is Good; Trump is White Trash!
Penis is Good; Dick is Bad, especially, if it is followed by Cheney!
Do you know any Good and Bad comparisons?
Gay is Good; Cork stacker is Bad
Franken is Good; Trump Eats Rabbit Dropping by the capfuls.
Obama is Good; Trump is White Trash!
Penis is Good; Dick is Bad, especially, if it is followed by Cheney!
Do you know any Good and Bad comparisons?
Gay is Good; Cork stacker is Bad
@eat-the-press-do-not-read-it
• 7 years ago
SHOULD FRANKEN BE SHOT?
Al Franken, United States Senator from Minnesota, is being accused of "French Kissing" a female actress during a comedy sketch rehearsal in a scene where the script called for a "kiss".
Can you image the horror this poor, innocent, naïve debutante must have felt, as the older actor surprised her in a COMEDY SKETCH by stinking his Jewish tongue into her pure, all white, Christian Mouth.
Horror of horror.
The accuser, Leeann Tweeden, is a FOX TV sports contributor who posed NUDE in Playboy and was on the cover of the magazine twice, so, she is a highly recognized, acclaimed Men's Magazine Model. She is also a PERSONAL FRIEND of Sean Hannity, For TV Network Hate TV, where she flirts and teases Sean in, of course, totally acceptable ways.
TweedleDee is making the rounds of TV networks exposing how she was "sexually assaulted" and compares it to the trauma suffered by victims of Harvey Weinstein, the Movie Mogul, who like to masturbate in front of actresses who wanted a part in a movie. It was their Union dues, sort of, that they felt compelled to pay if they wanted to play in a movie or TV production in which his company was producing.
Although, disquieting it was the key to opening or closing one's acting career for female actress in Hollywood. At least it was quid pro quo!
No so with Franken's incident of kissing an actress one time during a comedy scene rehearsal where he "plunged his tongue deep" into her throat sending her into a compulsive pattern of posing nude for Men's Magazine.
No Qui Pro Quo there.
Look at the photo that she offers as proof. Franken is seen mugging towards the camera and smiling. It was taken on board a USO TROOP PLANE loaded with entertainers in route to another gig.
She accused him of groping her breast while asleep. She was in combat uniform with an ARMOR, BULLET PROOF VEST covering her chest and three layers of clothing. If you look at the evidence, you can see that the COMIC ACTOR has his hand above her chest.
If one looks at the photo, it is obvious that he is not touching her chest, or, groping her frequently exposed, large breasts! He is pretending to do it for the camera and his plane load of tired, fellow entertainers.
Franken, the clown/comedic actor, is mugging for the camera, making a visual joke and his fellow actors on tour with him were laughing at him and the prank.
Further, his accuser hosted a Poker Show where she dresses as a "Hooker" in a black lingerie and pretend to be a prostitute as she interviews professional gamblers on her show with her breasts in nearly full view.
Please, do not be disappointed in Franken, this was nothing but a "theatrical stunt" played by a fellow actor.
The photographer that took the PHOTO says that "she was in on the gag and that everyone in the cast laughed about it".
Who do you trust?
Senator Franken, or, a Fox News FAKE Reporter who is obviously auditioning for a better position on FOX TV?
I am not "slut shaming", as a slut, I would never do that to my own kind. I am a slut and proud of it!
Shouldn't we, as Right Wing, Christian, Evangelical Hypocrites condemn the behavior of a COMEDIC ACTORS rehearsal's antics, 11 years ago? Why it is WORSE than anything my good buddy, Judge Roy Moore's from Alabama is alleged to have done on 9 underage teenage girls. So, that's The Buzz, it is ludicrous.
Why should we not RUSH TO JUDGEMENT on this vile, Jewish, Senator from a Northern State, who tends to vote liberal.
Some say that it is FOX TV FAKE NEWS "that is, again. manufacturing another FAKE SCANDAL to deflect from Republicans' bad behavior". I say that is impossible. Fox TV Network News is a "vessel of God" that is why God let so many powerful men in high places get so much "pussy". It's in the bible, somewhere.
REPUBLICANS SENATORS want to hold hearings on this incident, but, refuse to hold any on CURBING GUN VIOLENCE.
Which is more obscene?
SHOULD FRANKEN BE SHOT?
Al Franken, United States Senator from Minnesota, is being accused of "French Kissing" a female actress during a comedy sketch rehearsal in a scene where the script called for a "kiss".
Can you image the horror this poor, innocent, naïve debutante must have felt, as the older actor surprised her in a COMEDY SKETCH by stinking his Jewish tongue into her pure, all white, Christian Mouth.
Horror of horror.
The accuser, Leeann Tweeden, is a FOX TV sports contributor who posed NUDE in Playboy and was on the cover of the magazine twice, so, she is a highly recognized, acclaimed Men's Magazine Model. She is also a PERSONAL FRIEND of Sean Hannity, For TV Network Hate TV, where she flirts and teases Sean in, of course, totally acceptable ways.
TweedleDee is making the rounds of TV networks exposing how she was "sexually assaulted" and compares it to the trauma suffered by victims of Harvey Weinstein, the Movie Mogul, who like to masturbate in front of actresses who wanted a part in a movie. It was their Union dues, sort of, that they felt compelled to pay if they wanted to play in a movie or TV production in which his company was producing.
Although, disquieting it was the key to opening or closing one's acting career for female actress in Hollywood. At least it was quid pro quo!
No so with Franken's incident of kissing an actress one time during a comedy scene rehearsal where he "plunged his tongue deep" into her throat sending her into a compulsive pattern of posing nude for Men's Magazine.
No Qui Pro Quo there.
Look at the photo that she offers as proof. Franken is seen mugging towards the camera and smiling. It was taken on board a USO TROOP PLANE loaded with entertainers in route to another gig.
She accused him of groping her breast while asleep. She was in combat uniform with an ARMOR, BULLET PROOF VEST covering her chest and three layers of clothing. If you look at the evidence, you can see that the COMIC ACTOR has his hand above her chest.
If one looks at the photo, it is obvious that he is not touching her chest, or, groping her frequently exposed, large breasts! He is pretending to do it for the camera and his plane load of tired, fellow entertainers.
Franken, the clown/comedic actor, is mugging for the camera, making a visual joke and his fellow actors on tour with him were laughing at him and the prank.
Further, his accuser hosted a Poker Show where she dresses as a "Hooker" in a black lingerie and pretend to be a prostitute as she interviews professional gamblers on her show with her breasts in nearly full view.
Please, do not be disappointed in Franken, this was nothing but a "theatrical stunt" played by a fellow actor.
The photographer that took the PHOTO says that "she was in on the gag and that everyone in the cast laughed about it".
Who do you trust?
Senator Franken, or, a Fox News FAKE Reporter who is obviously auditioning for a better position on FOX TV?
I am not "slut shaming", as a slut, I would never do that to my own kind. I am a slut and proud of it!
Shouldn't we, as Right Wing, Christian, Evangelical Hypocrites condemn the behavior of a COMEDIC ACTORS rehearsal's antics, 11 years ago? Why it is WORSE than anything my good buddy, Judge Roy Moore's from Alabama is alleged to have done on 9 underage teenage girls. So, that's The Buzz, it is ludicrous.
Why should we not RUSH TO JUDGEMENT on this vile, Jewish, Senator from a Northern State, who tends to vote liberal.
Some say that it is FOX TV FAKE NEWS "that is, again. manufacturing another FAKE SCANDAL to deflect from Republicans' bad behavior". I say that is impossible. Fox TV Network News is a "vessel of God" that is why God let so many powerful men in high places get so much "pussy". It's in the bible, somewhere.
REPUBLICANS SENATORS want to hold hearings on this incident, but, refuse to hold any on CURBING GUN VIOLENCE.
Which is more obscene?