Cats Vs. Dogs: The Babylon Bee Settles The Debate

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  one month ago  •  35 comments

Cats Vs. Dogs: The Babylon Bee Settles The Debate
Well, the choice should be easy!

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



Ah, dogs and cats. One of these is an adorable creature that will love you and be loyal to you all the days of your life, and there's a non-zero chance that the other one is Satan. We wanted to help settle the age-old debate over which one is better, so we gathered up some direct comparisons to help you choose, should your kids want a dog. Or, for some reason, a cat.

Dogs: Will cuddle you in your sleep
Cats: Will cuddle you in your sleep. With a pillow. On your face. Until you die.

Dogs: Wait excitedly by the door when you are gone
Cats: Didn't realize you'd left

Dogs: Were domesticated
Cats: Were just made smaller so they can't kill you as easily as a tiger

Dogs: Love you
Cats: Are vaguely aware you exist

Dogs: Will bring you a tennis ball to play with
Cats: Will bring you—HOLY CRAP, AUTUMN, IS THAT A PIGEON?!

Dogs: Can sniff out bombs
Cats: Are all members of ISIS

Dogs: Can learn tricks
Cats: Will tear up your furniture no matter how many times you spray them in the face with a water bottle

Dogs: Sometimes pee when excited
Cats: Pee out of pure spite, on everything precious to you

Dogs: Excited when you wake up every morning
Cats: Always seem a little disappointed that you lived through the night

Dogs: Demand your full attention and time for like 15 years
Cats: You're always only about 87% sure that you actually own a cat. I know he's around here somewhere...

Dogs: Are just happy and grateful that you let them hang around you
Cats: Believe you should just be happy and grateful that they let you hang around them

Well, the choice should be easy! Stay tuned to The Babylon Bee for our next explainer: Ferrets or squirrels?


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GregTx
Sophomore Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    one month ago
You're always only about 87% sure that you actually own a cat.

Seems right, although I'm not too sure that percentage is accurate. Feels more like 75-80% to me...

 
 
 
XXJefferson51
Senior Guide
1.1  XXJefferson51  replied to  GregTx @1    one month ago

I still prefer cats…like dogs too.  

 
 
 
Drakkonis
Masters Guide
2  Drakkonis    one month ago

Yep. That's about the most accurate summation I've read. 

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Principal
3  Perrie Halpern R.A.    one month ago

Dogs: Will cuddle you in your sleep
Cat: Will cuddle you in your sleep and when you are not feeling well

Dogs: Wait excitedly by the door when you are gone
Cat: Wait excitedly by the door when you are gone

Dogs: Were domesticated
Cats: Were the pets of the Pharaohs of Egypt 

Dogs: Love you
Cats: Love you

Dogs: Will bring you a tennis ball to play with
Cats: Will play fetch.

Dogs: Can sniff out bombs
Cats: Warn families of Carbon Monoxide

Dogs: Will tear up your furniture no matter how many times you spray them in the face with a water bottle

Cats: Will tear up your furniture no matter how many times you spray them in the face with a water bottle

Dogs: Sometimes pee when excited
Cats: Can use a toilet

Dogs: Excited when you wake up every morning
Cats: Wakes you up in the morning exactly on time.

Dogs: Demand your full attention and time for like 15 years
Cats: Curls up on your lap and purrs.

Dogs: Are just happy and grateful that you let them hang around you
Cats: Happy to have you in their lives.

See, I fixed that for you! 

 
 
 
GregTx
Sophomore Participates
3.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3    one month ago

Yes, I see that! My wife says to thank you for that, from one CCL to another.    jrSmiley_9_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Principal
3.2  Krishna  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3    one month ago

That comment about cats & Pharoahs reminds of this comment I heard:

"Cats were considered to be Gods in ancient Egypt . . . and they've never forgotten it"!

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
3.3  Trout Giggles  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3    one month ago

I totally agree with your analysis, Perrie! I don't need an alarm clock with Stubby around

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3.4  Kavika   replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3    one month ago

were-gonna-snuggle-and-youre-gonna-like-it-my-pitbull-59378902.png

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
3.4.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @3.4    one month ago

Just don't hog the bed!

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3.4.2  Kavika   replied to  Trout Giggles @3.4.1    one month ago

bed-full-of-dogs.jpg

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
3.4.3  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @3.4.2    one month ago

Oh, hey! I see it.

I'm sleeping on the couch

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
3.4.4  sandy-2021492  replied to  Kavika @3.4.2    one month ago

This is my bed, but it's with a dog and two cats.  I don't know how three smallish animals manage to take up so much space.

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
4  sandy-2021492    one month ago

The writer just hasn't met the right cat.

They're just a bit deficient in patience; that's all.  You would be, too, if you were a ferocious predator trapped in an 8-pound body that was always getting picked up and snuggled against your will.

 
 
 
1stwarrior
Professor Guide
4.1  1stwarrior  replied to  sandy-2021492 @4    one month ago

And, my cat's opinion of everything - pretty much all day :-)

256

Oh, and Wessy's almost as large as many dogs - 10 months - 16.5 pounds of solid purrs.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  sandy-2021492 @4    one month ago

"Give me kisses, Baby!"

That's me trying to teach Charlene how to give head boops and kisses like Stubby does

 
 
 
GregTx
Sophomore Participates
4.3  seeder  GregTx  replied to  sandy-2021492 @4    one month ago

original

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
5  Sparty On    one month ago

My new favorite cat is Walter:

[jrEmbed module="jrYouTube" youtube_id="iHTi7PBJLnk"]

But Alex has always been my favorite dog:

[jrEmbed module="jrYouTube" youtube_id="uhHD_5F1I7g"]

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Principal
5.1  Krishna  replied to  Sparty On @5    one month ago

That Stroh's beer commercial was great! jrSmiley_2_smiley_image.png

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
5.1.1  Sparty On  replied to  Krishna @5.1    one month ago

I named a dog after this one.  

Although she could never get past punching a hole in the beer can and drinking the beer.

Alex did love her Strohs.

 
 
 
Kathleen
Professor Principal
6  Kathleen    one month ago

My kitty showing her belly with her favorite toy...

384

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7  Kavika     one month ago

268610893_10227526048237865_1920706008721881302_n.jpg?_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=vaYLj8DJY34AX-hML9p&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=00_AT_A1sCLs2geCApXSxKRK5wK9w1ykYOoXa12QpnY_wxM5w&oe=61C5EA23

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
7.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @7    one month ago

jrSmiley_93_smiley_image.jpg

I love it when pooties and wuzzles get along

 
 
 
Gsquared
Junior Principal
7.1.1  Gsquared  replied to  Trout Giggles @7.1    one month ago

My cat seemed to like dogs, but if a little kid showed up he disappeared immediately.  He did not like little kids.  One time my cousins and their two kids were staying with us for a weekend, and when they left he finally reappeared from his hiding place somewhere in the house and he looked so relieved that they were gone.  If there were just adults around, he had no problem.

 
 
 
1stwarrior
Professor Guide
7.1.2  1stwarrior  replied to  Gsquared @7.1.1    one month ago

Ours are the opposite.  We have 11 - 9 of them under 3 years of age.  Those 9 are the nosiest, feistiest, friendliest cats I've ever seen.  Strangers??  No way - they love everyone - instantly.  The "elders" hate everyone - instantly, and as soon as the doorbell rings, I gotta chase the 9 away from the door while watching the other 2 slither/run disappear into the netherlands.

 
 
 
Gsquared
Junior Principal
7.1.3  Gsquared  replied to  1stwarrior @7.1.2    one month ago

My cat was very friendly and very loving, he was just scared of little kids.  He liked adults.  He was also one of the most intelligent "people" I have ever known.  He would always come if we called his name.  He understood me when I would tell him something.  For example, we were having a party and everyone was sitting at our dining room table.  I watched him come down the stairs from the second floor and quietly sneak around through the kitchen to the room next to the dining room where the food was set up.   He could have climbed up and gotten into the food. When he got into the room where the food was set up I pointed at him from the dining room, then pointed in the other direction and said "You go back upstairs", and he immediately turned around and walked back upstairs. I didn't yell at him or chase him away.  I just talked to him.  That's one of many examples I could mention.  He was so amazing.

 
 
 
GregTx
Sophomore Participates
7.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Kavika @7    one month ago

original

 
 
 
shona1
Sophomore Participates
8  shona1    one month ago

384

Mishka liked to use Shona as a foot rest...Mishka ruled it over Shona384

Mishka with her winter coat on..

I love both dogs and cats...but a bit grim when Mishka starts clawing my face at 3am in the morning because she wants a head scratch...We both miss Shona dreadfully.....

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Principal
9  Krishna    one month ago

This is one of my favourite TV commercials of all time! 

Bud Light: Puppy Love

Watch the Budweiser commercial for Super Bowl XLVIII and follow the special friendship between the Clydesdales and the Labrador puppy.

---> (Click the "Watch on YouTube" link to watch it-- you will not be disappointed!)

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
9.1  Kavika   replied to  Krishna @9    one month ago

I love that commerical.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
9.1.1  Kavika   replied to  Kavika @9.1    one month ago

This is one of my favorites.

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Principal
9.1.2  Krishna  replied to  Kavika @9.1.1    one month ago

LOL!

Fantastic....

(All the Bud Light Super Bowl Clydesdale commercials were good. I had never seen that one-- but quite funny).

Shows the true creative brilliance of the ad company that created them. 

Although I often wonder-- if you didn't drink Bud Light before seeing those commercials, would you start after seeing them?

I wouldn't, but apparently good commercials like that must work or they wouldn't continue them (especially given the cost to run even a short commercial on something like The Super Bowl). And then there are the production costs...

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Principal
9.1.3  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @9.1.2    one month ago

Getting a bit off topic here, but does anyone remember the old Bert and Harry Piel (Bob and Ray)commercials for Piel's beer.?

Market research showed that people loved those commercials*-- but it also found they didn't increase the sales of Piels beer at all (so they discontinued the commercials.

(A very dry sense of hunour, pun intended)

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
10  Buzz of the Orient    one month ago
"Dogs:  Can learn tricks
Cats:  Will tear up your furniture no matter how many times you spray them in the face with a water bottle"

Not so fast, Louie.  My daughter adopted a pair of dogs, brothers, that were so cute.  Here they are, Cam and Cody...

512

Cam on the left is the shy quiet one, while Cody is the aggressive brother.  They were already no longer pups and the people saId they could no longer look after them   But little did we know the REAL reason until we left the two of them free in the house for a few hours, and on our return found our $3000. living room couch and chair set torn to shreds.  But we loved those dogs, and from that point on never left them anywhere where they could do that kind of damage again.

My beloved cat, Fidget, never damaged anything during his 17 years free to roam throughout the house. 

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Quiet
11  charger 383    one month ago

A UFO lands, invisible to people, a giant cat looking like a cross between a Siamese and a tiger gets out and walks up to a cat and says "Tell me child, do they still worship us?"  The little cat says "Yes, Ancient One, they feed me and  I shit in a box and every day they clean it.  "It is still as it should be" says the giant cat and gets back in it's ship and flies off. 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
11.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  charger 383 @11    one month ago

LOL.  That's an adaptation of the Star Trek Movie "The Voyage Home".

 
 

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