Scores of angry Canadians explode after being told they can't get cheap smokes on reserves amid Covid-19 pandemic - Walking Eagle News

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  kavika  •  one month ago  •  25 comments

By:   Walking Eagle News

Scores of angry Canadians explode after being told they can't get cheap smokes on reserves amid Covid-19 pandemic - Walking Eagle News
Hundreds of angry Canadians have spontaneously combusted after learning they're no longer allowed to go on reserves and purchase discount cigarettes or fuel because of the global Covid-19 pan…

The latest from Walking Eagle News. 

When they are too full of shit to fly.


S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



December 1, 2021

Hundreds of angry Canadians have spontaneously combusted after learning they're no longer allowed to go on reserves and purchase discount cigarettes or fuel because of the global Covid-19 pandemic.

"You have to understand, being told we're not allowed to go somewhere — even if it means spreading harmful disease — is like TNT to us," said Lily LeBlanc, a spokesperson for Canadians.

"We must have access to these Indigenous communities and their limited resources or we'll all blow up."

It's not just fuel and tobacco purchases causing the angry Canadian explosions either.

Other Indigenous communities are reporting an influx of angry Canadians blowing up after being told they can't go looking to fish, drive off-road vehicles, or appropriate culture like vacuums.

However, researchers are trying to determine how those who spontaneously combusted still had time to go on social media and post racist diatribes beforehand.


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Kavika
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Kavika     one month ago

Explosions have been reported as far west as Vancouver BC and north to Prince Rupert.

This is a very dangerous situation, many First Nations people have taken cover in their bomb bunkers when some Canadians explode the shit flies everywhere says Chief Louis Riel IV of the Metis Nation.

I saw this happen during the Oka wars the shit flew everywhere said, Chief Louis Riel.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  Kavika @1    one month ago

looks like the NA karma pendulum is finally starting it's swing back...

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
1.1.1  seeder  Kavika   replied to  devangelical @1.1    one month ago

LOL, boom, look out.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Principal
1.1.2  Perrie Halpern R.A.  replied to  Kavika @1.1.1    one month ago

384

Why yes!

 
 
 
Gsquared
Junior Principal
2  Gsquared    one month ago

I guess they'll have to just roll their own, eh?

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
2.1  seeder  Kavika   replied to  Gsquared @2    one month ago

A turd in toilet paper. Plenty of methane to make that smoke.

 
 
 
GregTx
Sophomore Participates
3  GregTx    one month ago

That's a shame dontcha know. jrSmiley_4_smiley_image.png

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3.1  seeder  Kavika   replied to  GregTx @3    one month ago

heartbreaking.

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
Junior Expert
4  Nowhere Man    one month ago

You think EOD will help?

 
 
 
GregTx
Sophomore Participates
4.1  GregTx  replied to  Nowhere Man @4    one month ago

I've heard only headshots will work. At a reasonable distance of course.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.1.1  seeder  Kavika   replied to  GregTx @4.1    one month ago

Don't want a splatter pattern on ya.

 
 
 
GregTx
Sophomore Participates
4.1.2  GregTx  replied to  Kavika @4.1.1    one month ago
I saw this happen during the Oka wars the shit flew everywhere said, Chief Louis Riel.
Don't want a splatter pattern on ya.

Absolutely, these might just be work boots but I don't want to have to replace them.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.2  seeder  Kavika   replied to  Nowhere Man @4    one month ago

Not a chance, the fuse is lit and the Canadians are on fire so to speak.

 
 
 
Raven Wing
Professor Expert
5  Raven Wing    one month ago

It's about time! Great news! (grin)

 
 
 
MonsterMash
Sophomore Participates
6  MonsterMash    one month ago

There goes about 75% of the Indian smoke shop profits.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
6.1  seeder  Kavika   replied to  MonsterMash @6    one month ago

Nope, they are just shipping them across the Medicine line.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
7  Buzz of the Orient    one month ago

LOL.  What IS it that the First Nation people are putting in those cigarettes?  Good thing I gave up smoking (tobacco) 4 decades ago, and never smoked more than half a pack a day at most.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7.1  seeder  Kavika   replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7    one month ago

They are spiking the cigarettes with sage, yup it's true and that gives the smoker a sense of calm.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
7.1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @7.1    one month ago

But Merriam-Webster says this:

sage noun (1)

Definition of sage  (Entry 2 of 4)

1 : one (such as a profound philosopher) distinguished for wisdom
2 : a mature or venerable person of sound judgment

So why would they do that?

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7.1.2  seeder  Kavika   replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1.1    one month ago

Sage is one of the four sacred herbs to Native Americans, Buzz. 

The article is satire.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
7.1.3  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @7.1.2    one month ago
"The article is satire."

Which is why I answered the way I did.  The other three are tobacco, cedar and sweetgrass.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7.1.4  seeder  Kavika   replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1.3    one month ago

They would do that to calm the Chimooks down and mellow them out which many do need. jrSmiley_4_smiley_image.png

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
7.1.5  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @7.1.4    one month ago

To coin a phrase, "You're not just whistling Dixie".  (Oh, wait, maybe that song has the forbidden words Robert E Lee in it.)

 
 
 
Raven Wing
Professor Expert
7.1.6  Raven Wing  replied to  Kavika @7.1.4    one month ago

I was a light smoker many Grandmothers ago, when there were few, if any, filter cigarettes. I really didn't like the taste of the things, but, it was the 'in' thing to do at that time. I tried Peyote once, and only the once, but, never tried the sage. After trying the Peyote I quit smoking completely. No sense pushing my luck. (big grin)

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
8  Sparty On    one month ago

The smoking lamp is lit .... smoke em if ya got em

 
 

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