Covid Announces Plan To Move Operations To Texas Full-Time To Escape Burdensome Regulations
Category: The Lighter Side/ Humor
Via: sister-mary-agnes-ample-bottom • 3 years ago • 96 commentsBy: The Onion
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Thursday 9:50AM
AUSTIN, TX—Bemoaning the bureaucratic red tape that had been holding it back for the past year, the Covid-19 virus announced Thursday that it would move its operation to Texas full-time to escape burdensome regulations. "Shifting my operation to Texas will give me the freedom to spread my wings and grow this pandemic in ways that are impossible in blue states," said the coronavirus molecule, adding that it had been especially heartened by the governor's recent decision to cut away unnecessary regulations like dining restrictions and mask mandates. "Obviously, I appreciate everything California and New York have done to help me—especially when I was just starting out. It's just been hard watching liberal legislators pile on cumbersome restrictions despite, frankly, having no idea how to build a pandemic. Those regulations really hurt small virus particles. The Lone Star State has been nothing but welcoming to me, and I'm thrilled to call it my new home." At press time, Covid-19 had celebrated its move with a raucous night hanging out in the atmosphere of local favorite restaurant Trudy's North Star.
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Welcomed with open arms by Gov. Greg 'lips still stuck on Trump's ass' Abbott.
Excellent !
Stay safe, Sister !
Hoping for the best, we are.
And talk about jumpy: We had some regular old Texas-style thunderstorms last week, and the electricity cut out briefly several times. Under ordinary circumstances, we would just roll with the flow...or without the flow.... But due to the recent winter nightmare, every flicker brought back panic. True story, unfortunately.
LMAO, COVID better bring its ''long john's'' it gets mighty cold in them thar parts. Also, bring along some bottled water, it seems that is a problem as well.
Nah... It's in the mid 60's outside. Did the lawn, fertilized yesterday and ran the sprinklers for the first time today to
activate the fertilizer and look for problem sprinkler heads. Only 2 need to be fussed with so far.
Most people and surprisingly many businesses have told the Gov that they will continue mandate rules voluntarily.
There is no denying that it's a beautiful day. I'm finding it almost impossible to remain pissed-off by the current state of world affairs.
I hate how true that seems. Hopefully those of us left alive after Abbott's expert care and concern, will do something about it come election time.
Most sensible people in Texas understand that this (ease covid restrictions) was all to distract Texans attention away from the recent fiasco where the entire state lost power and water.
Texas state government is incompetent.
[deleted]
Man, you really, really need to get some better sources!
Whoever told you that was, well, plainly speaking, lying out of their ass!
What a stupid, not to mention inflammatory, comment.
there, there, he's not a real texan...
well, if you ALSO believe that the entire state if Texas was without water and electricity. you may join him
I really don't see how anyone can be gullible enough to believe that, but, hey. to each their own!
more of a Texan than you will ever be.
wtf are you running on about now??
if you have any legitimate points to make regarding my post, please get to them instead of this.
and?
your subtle little slights are duly noted and rejected.
"Some People", huh?
or constantly bitching feeds into the anger within.
I see many who do that regarding any red state.
their hatred for conservatives us plain to see.
I'll try to come back when you make a valid point, sans the personal insults.
[Deleted]
In ordinary times, I would cyber-slap you bald-headed for such a comment
. Unfortunately for me, the embarrassment in my home state has become a daily occurrence.
Whats funny (in a sad way) about these stupid ass articles is that other states have opened up way before Texas, including Florida. There is no mask mandate here, but each city has its own rules. The city I live in extended the mask order to the first week of April, and the infection rate is far below most blue states that still have hard lockdowns, including New York and California.
It was determined by state health experts that even the Super Bowl, which had thousands of attendees, not including players, coaches, staff, media, etc, and there was no noticeable increase in infections.
Texas did the right thing, the mandate only affects state properties, and as with Florida, each city has their own rules.
Because of our state's freedom, we have to pay for the blatant mismanagement of blue states that don't care about their citizens, and expect red states to pay for their stupidity.
Some just can't get over the fact that Biden didn't win Texas, and obviously it bothers them greatly, hence all the Texas-slamming and jokes.
It is rather comical to read some of these posts!
To which stupid-ass article are you referring? If you are talking about the one I seeded, you might want to scroll up and have a read...
The seed is satire. I think you might have missed that
What do you expect? Cell service in Cancun has been spotty.
Covid should do well in Texas' pro-virus environment.
They say everything is big in Texas. With the gross incompetence of the current governor, we may see that statement also applies to the number of infections and, sadly, number of deaths.
The only thing I can wish for, in addition to Abbott getting a sudden brain fart and reinstating the wearing of masks mandate, is that the majority of people who live in Texas will take control of their own lives and heed the medical experts and continue to wear their masks.
I find it appalling that Abbott and his cohorts think so little of the lives of the many men, women and children who will now likely be in harms way if they follow his gross disregard for human life in his own state. I am sure he will take all the necessary precautions to protect himself and his family while leaving the masses to face an even more uncertain fate.
Where is LBJ when they need him.....
It's as if Texas wants Covid. It's beyond stupid and irresponsible to not require or want to wear a mask during a pandemic. But then, stupid voters vote for stupid. So they get stupid. No the first time either. Remember Ricky Perry? The governor who thought drought could be solved by praying for rain? Or that some people in Texas think the snow there was (fake snow) caused by Bill Gates using a weather manipulator machine.
Funny - Borowitz just did a piece about Tex-Ass and how they're wishing for Rick Perry about now . . . .
That's not an improvement. How about wishing for someone competent and knows what they're doing? You know, an actual leader who has some common sense. Because it seems as if Texas is sorely lacking that right about now.
Chill. Andy Borowitz.
It will be interesting to watch and compare the numbers.
While it may be interesting to watch the numbers, it could also be very sad.
Interesting. I’ve read a similar story but this one not so funny.
More on that here:
This began happening on Trump's watch.
People with coronavirus are crossing the US-Mexico border for medical care
By Catherine E. Shoichet , CNN
Updated 7:24 AM ET, Mon June 29, 2020
Greg Abbott's most recent untimely and foolish decision will end more lives needlessly.
Trump tried to keep it under control. Biden's idiotic actions have made it much worse
Trump isn't President. Biden is.
Of course, Trump didn't take about amnesty or letting everyone in, either.
Blaming Trump for Democratic Party policies is plain old stupid.
I'd like to read about that but your link in big blue letters appears to just loop back to this article. Can you direct me to the correct article?
Otherwise, the stories to which I linked, including testimony from U.S. Rep. Henry Cuellar, D-Texas, have happened over the last month specifically at the Texas border.
Without a doubt.
Oops. Try this link.
Ah! That's better! Read the article and it appears to be about people crossing the border in ambulances specifically seeking CARE for Covid. Most are Americans. From your linked article:
This is completely different than what is happening now with the release of undocumented immigrants who have tested positive for Covid into the country simply to mix with the general public.
And this is just one small sampling of people departing from a bus station in Brownsville, TX into the interior of the country. There are likely many, many more being released all along the southern border states. This is being reported by people on the ground, who actually see it happening and are pleading with the Federal Government to acknowledge what is really happening due to THEIR policies.
It doesn't matter how or why one crosses the border...ambulance, boat, baby carriage, tunnel, carrier pigeon, osmosis, etc. Mexican citizens have been crossing while ill with Covid for a while now. Trying to blame Biden at this point is silly.
BTW, the article I seeded was/is a satire piece from the Onion. I'm rather proud of myself for developing a sense of humor about the failings taking place in my home state.
“We are weeks, maybe even days, away from a crisis on the southern border. Inaction is simply not an option,” Cuellar said. “Our country is currently unprepared to handle a surge in migrants in the middle of the pandemic. Migrants are illegally crossing, potentially exposing border communities to the coronavirus and putting us at risk. Right now, none of the migrants are being tested for COVID-19 by Border Patrol.”
It would would appear that some left wingers are denying the science. It's sad that they find this worsening situation amusing
Thank you for your participation, but this will be your last post on this seed [Deleted]
No value??? That had tremendous value!!! It gave me the giggles for at least 30 minutes. If that doesn't prove value, I don't know what would.
see what happens? how many times have I asked you not to mock the birthers?
A pox upon me for reckless commentary. I'll make it up to you later. In private.
Can I watch...(giggle)
Dev will expect you to work the camera. You know how freaky he is...
True, but, dev is very cooperative, and he does his best to make the job easy. For dev that is.....(grin)
... somebody has to operate the defibrillator.
108 migrants released during the past month have shown to be carrying the coronavirus? OMG! Has anybody told the Governor?
Did the Biden Admin. inform the Governor he was releasing illegal aliens who have tested positive for covid?
You do understand that the international border is the responsibility of the Federal Government, DHS, Border Patrol, all of that? Did you read the reports I provided?
He may want to rethink declaring that the pandemic is over.
I didnt see where he said it was over.
can you give a link to the quote, please?
The declaration was muffled by Trump's butt cheeks. Now that I think about it, you should have heard it loud and clear.
It's based upon his actions not what he's said.
So I will take it that you are unable to quote the Governor saying it was over, but you still felt compelled to comment and be insulting.
If you mean the Governor, he did say that he wants to open all business 100%, not that the pandemic is over. His rescinding of the mandatory mask mandates is taking it too far, I will agree. I suspect that many businesses and individuals will likely still don the masks and try to maintain distances, but we'll see.
However, this releasing of non-citizens who have tested positive for Covid into the country by the Federal Government/DHS are just going to make matters even worse. So when some get to blaming people if cases and deaths rise in TX, let's not forget the new Federal policies that will most definitely have contributed to that.
If we are going to bemoan policies that will most likely cause more Covid cases/deaths, especially along the southern border, let's at least be consistent shall we?
How can they tell if they are not testing as put forth in comment 8.2 ?
Target and others insist, no mask, no service, regardless of the Gov.
McDonalds will not reopen their dining rooms in TX.
Hi SP - The City of Brownsville administered what few rapid tests they could, and the were told by Border Patrol that they do not have adequate support to test the rapid influx of immigrants before they release them into the US per the current Federal policy. Once they are released by the DHS, neither the City nor the State can detain them, even if they test positive. This is covered in the reports to which I linked above. HERE and HERE .
HERE is another indicating similar problems in other cities along the border.
Sorry, I thought the combination of a ? and /s was unbecoming.
There are also articles about charities putting up refugees in hotels during their quarantine period.
So I question
A: that refugees are not being tested or quarantined.
Excellent! That's what I was hoping for!
To expand on that answer... From the reports to which I linked:
The tests are being administered by the local cities and charitable organizations because the Border Patrol/DHS is not doing it unless someone has clear symptoms. But the cities and charities have no authority to make them remain in quarantine, and apparently they aren't. The ones that the Border Patrol are sending directly to the bus stations are only being spot tested by these other groups, and even if they test positive they can't keep them from boarding the bus as the undocumented immigrants have DHS clearance to proceed.
Have I told you lately that I love you?
I will just have to rely on your obvious expertise in the area of nether regions.
You seem to know a lot about Trump's butt cheeks and what one can hear from them.
Carry on.
Happy wife, happy life?
It's going to be interesting to see what happens on the 10th. I'm pretty sure that behind closed doors, lots of Texans think that Greg Abbott should get out a little more...preferably on and after that date.
pretty darn sure people will still be wearing mssks.
68 Fort Worth apartments still without water over 2 weeks after winter storm, city says (msn.com)
And that's just Fort Worth, which, all things considered fared pretty well.
So Abbott insists that there is an increased risk of covid from illegals, (which is not true), then drops the mask mandate and orders everything to go back to normal. He's a moron. That's like trying to put out a house fire with gasoline.
are you saying that there is no risk for covid from border crossers?
That's what he said!
Stats as of today...
Active cases in the USA: 8,827,049
Active cases in Mexico: 268,851
They are taking a risk coming here, clearly.
Also, what I am saying... Is that if there *IS* an increased risk of covid from border crossers, it makes NO sense at all to drop a mask mandate. Is that clear enough?
There IS a risk of people coming here illegally can spread the virus. Last I checked, the virus doesn't ask immigration status or locale.
Saying that people already proven to have the virus pose no threat is absolutely false.