Man caught stealing eggs from Loblaws charged with theft over $5,000

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  6 days ago  •  17 comments

By:   GARY LIM - The Beaverton

Man caught stealing eggs from Loblaws charged with theft over $5,000

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



VANCOUVER — Police working with  Loblaws  store security have managed to foil a brazen daytime  robbery  of the Grandview Highway Superstore location, the suspect almost making off with two dozen  eggs  valued at approximately $6,500. 

The suspect, identified as 45-year-old Emil Durand, has been charged one count of grand larceny.

According to store security officer Geoff Michelson, the heist showed great planning with Durand knowing exactly where in the store his target was located, the Dairy and Eggs section, and when it would be accessible, normal store hours. 

“He knew exactly what he was here for, walking right past several lower ticket items including a $15 head of iceberg lettuce and rent-to-own pack of President’s Choice® chicken breasts.”

Surveillance footage reveals that the suspect had visited the location many times prior in order to case the joint, each time purchasing a small amount of food to avoid suspicion. 

“It’s very fortunate, we were able to intercept these luxury goods before they made it onto the streets,” said Michelson, referring to the 24 extra-large brown eggs. “Once they’ve had their barcodes sanded-off they’re basically untraceable.”

Police also suspect that Durand may have had help from a partner, the cashier working on the self-checkout that day, himself. 

In response to the theft, Loblaws CEO  Galen Weston Jr.  announced he plans to use a portion of the grocery store chain’s record-breaking $1.3 billion profits to ramp-up store security measures across the country.

“We’re shocked and saddened by this theft and in an effort to curb future shoplifting will be introducing a number of new measures including moving dry pasta to a time-locked safe and placing explosive dye packs inside of bananas.

Yet despite the evidence collected, the larceny charges against Durand may not stick. Thus far police have been unable to obtain any eyewitness accounts of the theft with several shoppers explicitly telling police that “they didn’t see shit.”


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Hallux
Junior Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    6 days ago

$15 for a head of lettuce is an exaggeration, they only cost $8. Broccoli on the other hand requires a generous loan shark.

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
2  JohnRussell    6 days ago

A dozen eggs are about 6.50.  I thought I was seeing things. 

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.1  Texan1211  replied to  JohnRussell @2    6 days ago
A dozen eggs are about 6.50.  I thought I was seeing things.

Not to worry, it is just temporary.

The thing you see is high inflation for two years plus now.

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.2  Split Personality  replied to  JohnRussell @2    6 days ago

3.89 to 4.39 here

Still ridiculous as we were used to .89 to 2.89

But it isn't inflation, it's aviary flu and the resulting deaths of some 60 million chickens.

Since early 2022, a highly virulent version of avian influenza—also known as bird flu—has been spreading through the poultry industry, CNN reports. The outbreak has claimed the lives of more than 58 million birds and climbing, drastically   reducing the production capacity   of the poultry industry.

Why Egg Prices Continue to Skyrocket, and When They'll Go Down (yahoo.com)

Egg prices rise to historic levels due to highly infectious bird flu

The wholesale price for eggs has reached historic levels ahead of Easter and Passover thanks to an avian flu that has swept across more than half the country.
 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
2.2.1  JohnRussell  replied to  Split Personality @2.2    6 days ago
But it isn't inflation, it's aviary flu and the resulting deaths of some 60 million chickens.

Some of us know that, but evidently not all. 

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.2.2  Split Personality  replied to  JohnRussell @2.2.1    22 hours ago

It's obviously the fault of the POTUS, /S

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3  Kavika     6 days ago

At that price I hope that they were extra large grade AA.

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
4  Ender    6 days ago

Time to go to Tractor Supply and get some chickens.

Have some of them yard eggs....

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
4.1  Split Personality  replied to  Ender @4    6 days ago

The ducks are mating like crazy and we are keeping an eye on their favorite nests.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  Ender @4    6 days ago

With the amount of eggs we use it would be too labor intensive and a heavy monetary investment that wouldn't gain us anything. I'll stick to robbing banks so I can buy eggs

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
4.2.1  Ender  replied to  Trout Giggles @4.2    6 days ago

I thought you were going to blame the wildlife around there...Haha

We are too close together around here. I should try it with one or two just to drive my neighbors nuts.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.2.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  Ender @4.2.1    6 days ago

I would have trouble with the wildlife, too, especially raccoons, coyotes, and foxes

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
4.3  sandy-2021492  replied to  Ender @4    17 hours ago

One of my employees has chickens, so we joke that we should have been all set, but they're getting too old to lay.  A real farmer would have already had them in chicken pot pie, but she's too softhearted to do that.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
5  Trout Giggles    6 days ago

I went to the store on Saturday to get ingredients for dinner. Mr G wanted to grab some eggs. I told him I needed a bank loan

 
 
 
Greg Jones
Professor Guide
6  Greg Jones    6 days ago

$5.49 a dozen large here in Denver at Krogers. Situation made worse by a new law that laying hens be cage free that started January 1st

 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
7  Buzz of the Orient    17 hours ago

Since eggs here cost around a third of what they do in North America I wish I could go into the egg sales business but the shipping cost to half way around the world would price them too high.  I enjoy eating eggs for almost all my breakfasts, and it hasn't exactly sent me into bankruptcy - scrambled eggs, soft-boiled eggs, ham and cheese omelettes (a double sin), sunny side up, egg soufflee, boiled bird eggs in my oatmeal, French toast, etc. etc.

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
8  sandy-2021492    17 hours ago

There's a farmer's market near here that has them for $3.99 a dozen last time I checked, but it's 20 miles away, so I have to weigh in the price of gas and the irritation of driving that far just for eggs.

 
 

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