Fellow News Stalkers.Communists
My Fellow, Left Leaning Liberals, this is Jonathan Livingston-Pigeon Shat, coming to you "LIVE - From Inside Uranus!"
You know that scratchy, itchy feeling you get? That's not hemorrhoids, that's our "POTTY CAST," coming to you live from UR-ANUS, so, whatever you do-do...don't scratch...it interferes with the microphone.
Brothers & Sistas of the "Cornhole Degeneration," you know who I am takin' to...you Right-Wing, Pinko Commies & Left Leaning Liberals who spend all your time playing that damnable game: CORN HOLE, when you should be out lookin' fer a job that don't exist.
Da' world is goin' to HELL in a handbag! What difference does it make if it is a designer's handbag? It's probably a "knockoff," made in China by Communist Workers, and sold of the street of "Murica" by aliens, takin' good jobs from our recently released felons.
Fellow News Stalkers, we must unite under our chosen leader, "Diaper Don," and force "the Orange One", back in power by any means necessary, and, within your budget, of course, Horse!
Therefore, my fellow, ranting commies, I am askin' you to send your life savings to "Donald Dumpster" (DJT's new code name) to me, that I might "laundered it," and forward it to our "anointed" leader safely and secured as he waddles in his Depends in the gold-plated environs of Mar Largo.
If you must know, we, fellow commies worldwide, are preparing for a surprise attack! We intend to put the "Chosen One," on the Midterm Erection, er, Election ballot to install him as POTUS, when no one will be expecting it.
So, Fellow NewsStalkers.Communists, get those cards, checks, money orders and cash sent to me, ASAP. And, for God's sake don't blab it to anyone. Now, get your big butts off the couch and send MONEY, honey to:
Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored"
%The Bird Droppings Institute
A Think Tank Fer Morons -
No Idiots, Please
(Where There are No Jobs-Not Even Blow Jobs)