Study Finds Politicians Safe From Myocarditis As They Do Not Have Hearts

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  3 Comments  •  3 Likes  •  5 years ago

“"Politicians? Oh yeah, they're totally safe from getting any kind of heart inflammation," said the head of the study, Dr. Ree Boyd. "You kinda...”

De Blasio Unveils Latest Plan To Get More People To Move To Florida

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  5 Comments  •  1 Like  •  5 years ago

“NEW YORK, NY—Beloved New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has announced his latest plan to boost the economy and population of Florida by getting everyone...”

Economists Trace Great Resignation To Comedy Central Airing 'Office Space' Constantly During Workers' Formative Years

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  1 Comments  •  3 Likes  •  5 years ago

“MINNEAPOLIS—With record numbers of Americans quitting their jobs, a team of economists published data Friday that traces the trend known as the...”

Man Excited To Add 2-Cent Gas Savings To The 16 Cents He Saved On July 4

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  2 Comments  •  4 Likes  •  5 years ago

“After the Biden administration bragged about bringing the cost of gasoline down by two cents over a two-week period, following a long period of...”

Biden Administration Celebrates Creating 2 Whole Jobs

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  4 Comments  •  1 Like  •  5 years ago

“The two newly created jobs—Ambassador to Chinese Tech Oligarchs and Communications Go-Between for Ukrainian Oil Barons—were both filled by Hunter...”

Remember: Your Own Political Movement Is Most Accurately Represented By Its Best Members, While The Opposing Political Movement Is Most Accurately Represented By Its Deranged Monsters

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  11 Comments  •  3 Likes  •  5 years ago

“Your own political movement is best represented by its shining stars, its deep thinkers, its models of class and civility, while the opposing...”

'Handled Variety Of Tasks,' Writes Kamala Harris, Struggling To Fill Out Performance Review Self-Assessment

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  14 Comments  •  3 Likes  •  5 years ago

“WASHINGTON—Struggling to describe her work responsibilities in the most favorable manner possible, Vice President Kamala Harris wrote, "Handled...”

Biden Won't Visit Waukesha Victims' Families Because It 'Requires A Lot Of Assets,' Psaki Says | The Daily Caller

Via: GregTx  •  Americana  •  85 Comments  •  6 Likes  •  5 years ago

“Fox News White House Correspondent Peter Doocy asked Jen Psaki at a press briefing Monday, why Biden is yet to visit the victims of the Waukesha...”

Jen Psaki Announces President Biden Will Visit Family Of Traumatized Waukesha SUV Driver

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  4 Comments  •  2 Likes  •  5 years ago

“"President Biden has a big heart, and he truly cares for hurting people," said Psaki.”

Media Frantically Prepares Exciting New News Stories In Hopes Of Making Everyone Forget About Waukesha Terrorist Attack

Via: GregTx  •  Satire  •  10 Comments  •  2 Likes  •  5 years ago

“"Some people did something, and then an SUV took a wrong turn, or something like that, I can't remember," said a producer at CNN. "Whatever. It's...”