Heroes
Most people think of heroes as people who do amazing selfless acts to aid those or act on behalf of those they do not know. And while this is true, most heroes are just everyday people facing everyday trials and tribulations.
Tonight I lost a friend. She was one of the bravest people I have ever known and she was a hero to those of us who face chronic illness. Seven years ago, my friend Sue, was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. Against all odds, she fought it and she did it with a smile and with a joke to spare to lighten any tough moment. She was actually pronounced cancer free after 4 years, but her joy was short lived. About a month later the cancer had returned and she underwent the same grueling treatment that she did the first time around. She never complained. She never wanted to talk about it. She was too busy living life and enjoying her sons and her hubby.
I went to see her about 2 weeks ago. She was was weak but her mind was sharp. She joked with me and asked me if she looked good enough to go dancing. I laughed as I tried not to cry. I told her I loved her and she told me she knew and she loved me, too. We had some time together and I am grateful for that, since that would be the last time I saw or spoke to her. She would not see anyone after that visit.
Sue will forever be my hero. She taught me how to face adversity with grace and bravery. She was a wonderful woman who never deserved this kind of ending... but then again, no good person does. I will never forget her but I chose to remember her as the tiny girl who could take on the world and make it look easy.
Today there were two loses to face in my family. My friend Sue, and my daughter's boyfriend's grandmother both passed away within hours of each other.
A line from W.H. Auden comes to mind...
"Death is the sound of distant thunder at a picnic." How very true.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend passing Perrie. I know she was very special to you.
You paid her a fine tribute here.
Thank you John. She was an amazing person.
Sorry to hear that, Perrie. That's pretty rough.....the hardest part of being good friends.
Yes it is. Saying good bye. Thank you for kind words.
I'm really sorry to read about your losses. I kinda know how you feel, because I also lost a good friend earlier this month. My friend Bill Sherman, collapsed and died suddenly while at his brothers'house 2 weeks ago. We hung out, chatted, debated (he was more left than me) We often camped up in the high peaks. But he had a good ear, he would listen to me forever no matter how long I rattled on
Good friends like Sue and Bill are hard to find
My condolences to you and your daughters' boyfriend..
Thank you very much for your kind words, Jerry
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, Bill. It's never easy to say good bye.
It's never easy to say good bye
No, last good-bys are hard.
Thanks Perrie.
When a person gets to be my age, we have outlived too many who were close to us - my parents are very long gone, but the losses start to happen more often - my best friends (not including my wife) are gone, one at the young age of 48 (more than 30 years ago) and another only a year or two ago, causing us to realize how mortal we ourselves are.
But consider what John Donne wrote centuries ago, in his Meditation XVII, that because of our closeness with and knowledge of each other we become in a small way a part of each other, and when someone "walks on", a little of them lives on in us, in our memories. The friend you have lost is still there, and you carry that with you, and will never lose it. I know you will cherish those memories.
Condolences to you, Sue's family and her other friends.
Same sentiment for your daughter's boyfriend's grandmothers.
R.I.P. Sue.
R.I.P. Grandmother.
Thanks Dave.
Sorry for your losses. It is good you know their strength
Thank you charger. Her son Matthew is amazing. I will share what he wrote at another time.. it's a necessary topic.
Sorry to hear this Perrie. Cancer affects us all deeply - it seems we all have lost someone to this cursed aspect of our genetic structure.
Thanks Tig. Yes it's true that cancer seems to touch everyone's life. Maybe one day, we will be able to over come our genetics.
Your're right. If it's not ourselves, it's a relative, a friend, or a friend of a friend. But there is no way for us to completely escape the clutches of cancer.
Someday we'll figure it out. (Soon I hope).
When I was a kid I went to bed every night wondering if I would wake up in the morning with polio. Then in 1955 (I was 15) along came Dr. Jonas Salk with a successful vaccine.
Dr. Salk is my hero.
For those of us who are older, who go back to the time before Dr. Salk came up with his vaccine (refusing to patent it so it would be affordable for all humanity) when we as children worried about the possibility of ending up in an iron lung, we realize that Dr. Salk was in fact a genuine humanitarian, and as you say, a true hero.
I never knew that.. he was an amazing man and a true humanitarian.
Jonas Salk
Sorry to hear about your loss Perrie. Each day is a blessing for each of us.
So deserving to have been a Nobel laureate. If that particular Nobel award did not exist at the time, it should be awarded to Salk posthumously.
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and the loss of your dear friend. She sounds like she was an amazing woman on many levels. Just in case no one has mentioned it today, so are you.
Well, now you've gone an done it, Good Sister. I'm all choked up. You're pretty special, too.
I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, sister.
A thought that has helped me in difficult times.
''There is no death, only a changing of worlds''
I hope so, Brother. It would give this world a little more meaning.
Thanks for your wise words.
We can be heroes, just for one day
May you have peace and loving remembrance always.
Thank you Ender. She was a one of a kind.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, I do believe we will see our loved ones again, someday, somewhere. Please treasure the memories you have of her!
Thanks for your kind words Gary. I hope that there is something after this.. not sure.. but at least her suffering is over.
I'm so sorry Perrie! Cancer really sucks and takes people we love far too early. You and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi Jenn,
This has been an awful year with cancer. First Jonathan, then Andy's Grand-ma, and now Sue. Even poor Aretha who died of pancreatic cancer last night, a disease that took my mother in law died last year. And while I know that more people die of heart disease and stroke than all cancers combined, it seems that what cancer does to you and is what lingers.
Anyway, didn't mean to be so grim. Thanks for your kind words.
I'm so glad you were able to see and spend time with Sue before she passed. I will offer this quote that I found because it can say what I want far better than I can.
It takes a minute to find a special person
an hour to appreciate them
and a day to love them
but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them
Anonymous
I also offer my condolences on the death of your daughter's boyfriend's grandmother.
Hi PJ,
That is a beautiful poem and very true. Thank you for your kind words about my friend Sue and Andy's grandmother.
I'm so sorry, Perrie. It's hard to lose a really good friend. May she rest in peace and condolences to you and her family
Hi Trout,
It is very hard to lose someone you care about. Good byes are always hard.
Thanks for your kind words.
Sweet Perrie - I offer all support that I am capable of giving to you.
Believe it or not, you can rest easy - you gave her your all and she loved you for it.
Hi 1st,
It was her family that was amazing. Her son's post on facebook was amazing and a tribute to her on so many levels. Her hubby was steadfast throughout her illness. She knew she was loved. I will miss her forever.
Thanks for your kindness.
you have my condolences - your friend sounded nothing short of amazing. they say that people are judged by the company they keep - which tells me you are nothing short of amazing as well and honor her memory well everyday. may you always remember her fondly and keep her close to your heart.
What a beautiful sentiment Phoeny. That was so kind of you. And yes I will remember her always.
Condolences, Perrie. There are few words one can say at times like this.
Hi Pat,
You are right.. I have always found it hard to express something profound at times like this. But thanks for taking the time to acknowledge my loss.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your families.
Thank you so much SP. It's going to be a rough couple of days.
I'm sorry for your loss, Perrie. I'm glad you got to say the important things to each other.
Hi Sandy,
I am glad I had the chance to say goodbye and talk and share memories. I know some of our other friends were not as lucky. Thank you for coming by.
Dear Friend Perrie: May the Source of all comfort, consolation, and inspiration bring you all these and more in yhour and those close to you time of mourning and healing.
May the good memories, values and acts of loving kindness of those lost bring solace, and motivation to keep going the good things they did and stood for, for the next generations.
The best way to honor the legacy of those transited from this life is to be int he lives of others as they were in yours.
You are encouraged to read past articles I composed and placed on this site for such help as they may bring.
My private notes and personal email remain open to you and yours for such Pastoral Care as is needed and wanted.
Always in confidence, and on terms which respect what you live by.
Peace and Abundant Blessings Now and Forthcoming.
Enoch.
Dear Enoch,
Thank you so much for your words of guidance. It's been a rough year both losing Jonathan and now Sue. And irony to this that both died from cancers from organs that give life. How odd that our bodies can do that to us.
It's good to know that you are there, if I need it.
Oh Perrie. My heart aches for you and Sue's family. You are all in my thoughts. Women in general form tight bonds with one another, and I know Sue held you in her heart. I have now clasped Sue tightly to my heart. And I hold you in sweetly, closely, lovingly in my heart as well.
May the sun bring you new energy by day,
may the moon softly restore you by night,
may the rain wash away your worries,
may the breeze blow new strength into your being,
may you walk gently through the world and
know it's beauty all the days of your life.
- Apache Blessing
Cobalt,
What a beautiful comment. You said everything so well, that I couldn't even add a word to it. Thank you for those the poem. It's perfect. Thank you for sharing Sue with me. It is beyond touching.
I love you, Perrie. So very much. Trust me when I say I truly believe Sue is right this second dancing to music only angels can hear.
Love you right back, CB. I hope you are right. She did love to dance.
Sue had to be an amazing woman to have been able to teach a kind and caring person such as yourself, grace and bravery. The 2 of you together must have been a force of nature for all things good.
My heart breaks for your loss .. Sue's light on earth has faded, but now she lights up the heavens .. as well as your heart with joyful memories of times past that the darkness of cancer cannot shade.
Thanks you Perrie for sharing a lil piece of Sue … Hugs to you..
Hi CMF,
We could be. We were a team when were the parent reps for the start time change at our high school. Both of us did our homework and worked together on our presentation on the benefits of having high school kids go in later, not earlier to school. The measure got passed in big part because we both worked so hard on providing the necessary studies and information. That year, the grades in the high school rose over 30%. Our superintendent said we were quite a force in making that change. I look back on that and smile. It is a small legacy.
I am right now trying to deal with why it seems that more good people die than bad ones. Maybe it's not true. Maybe we just notice the loss more. I am not sure. I know a piece of my life is now gone.
Thank you for your thoughtful message. It really means a lot.
Alas, I have no answers on why .. yet I do believe that the loss is felt so very deeply, as it is hard to lose a part of oneself, someone that knows your deepest thoughts and flaws but continues to love you for who you are anyways .. someone that reaches out and lends a shoulder at the moment it is most needed because they just sensed something was wrong...
All one can do is cherish the moments shared, knowing that one is a blessed and better person for having had them in ones life..
Remember angels live forever without suffering …
Peace...
Dear Friend and Sister in Spirit Perrie,
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your very dear Friend. It is always hard to lose someone who is so close to you, so much more than just a Friend.
As long as you remember all the times you shared together over the years, she will forever live on in your heart and the many memories of her.
While she has now moved on to the next steps of her own eternal journey, she will always be a part of you.
nv-wa-do-hi-ya-dv (Peace)
Sister from another mother,
Thank you so much for your very kind words Raven. I so dread tomorrow. I know she's gone, but the actual funeral is such a final good bye.
I thought about the first time I met her. She cracked me up from our very first phone call and always was so optimistic. I look for fairness, in an unfair world and I am not sure why.
I, like you, try to look for the fairness in our world, yet, like guarantees, other than we will all one day leave this world behind and move on to our next eternal journey, there is really no such thing as fairness, no matter how much we want to believe in it.
All we can do as human beings is live each day as it comes, try to appreciate and enjoy the good things that come our way, and do our best to deal with the lesser things that we often have no control over.
I never had a Sister of my own, just the one Brother, and we were never close. But, I did have a few closer Friends who were like Sisters to me, and we stayed close as we grew older and took different paths in our lives. All but one has now walked on, and I still feel the emptiness in my life that they once filled. But, they live on in my heart and in the many memories we shared over the years together. They left much too young, and lived decent and compassionate lives, so I wondered why they were taken so soon. It seemed so unfair.
But, it is not our call to make. All we can do is do their life here on earth justice, and their loving Friendship with us by keeping their memory alive, and keep smiling even when we want to cry, and holding on to the joy their being with us gave us in what time we had together.
I am very sorry for your loss and may Sue RIP.
Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.
Thank you Mr. Frost. It is true that she touched me in ways that will never leave me.
Perrie I have no words that we haven't already shared. I'm so sorry to hear of all the losses you, your family and friends have had to endure. It's never, ever easy as we both know. You all are in my thoughts. I'm here if you need to talk...call anytime.
Thank you so much Uppy for your kind words. Of course, you lost the love of your life, so I know you know what a hole it can leave. Thanks for your kind offer.. might take you up on it.
Oh, Lord, how sad! I'm truly sorry for your loss. It is so painful even to contemplate the loss of someone we care about; I cannot imagine the reality of it. She was lucky in one respect: she had you for a friend, Perrie. And I'm darned certain that she was as grateful to you for your caring as you were, to her, for being your friend.